IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Governments and big companies should work together to reverse environmental damage, rather than making individuals responsible for that. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In
this
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 day and age,
people
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 have different views on whether governments or individuals should be the ones to deal with pollution.
While
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 there are some good arguments in favour of the view that inhabitants need to take responsibility for their own toxic substances, I personally disagree with
this
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 notion On the one hand, there is a growing belief that inhabitants should take responsibility for their own environmental damage.
Firstly
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, many advocates of
this
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 view argue that individuals' activities have released a significant amount of toxic substances, making the environment polluted throughout the years. It is widely believed that a large quantity of emissions has been produced by
citizens
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' vehicles, causing the atmosphere less residential.
Secondly
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, as the population witnesses a substantial rise, the emission is growing
along with
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 it. It might make the environment more damaged than before,
thus
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 individuals should acknowledge and be responsible in terms of their carbon footprints.
On the other hand
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, apart from the practical reasons expressed above, I maintain that the government and big companies should shake hands to enhance
people
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 life quality.
Firstly
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,
people
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 already fulfilled their mission regarding paying taxes, and they hope the government to play a role in
this
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 regard. The authority should take the responsibility of a leader, addressing the problem for the
citizens
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 and creating effective plans to improve the situation within a large scope. Another reason is that the amount of emissions released by industrial organizations is significantly higher than that produced by
citizens
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.
For instance
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, it has been proven by a wide range of research that industrial carbon dioxide is two times higher than vehicle gases. In conclusion,
while
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 there are certain reasons why
people
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 believe
citizens
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 should deal with environmental damage by themselves, it seems to me that governments and big organizations participating in
this
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 regard are a better option.

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task achievement
To enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments, consider including more specific examples and data to support your points. This will better illustrate your claims and strengthen your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-organized, pay attention to minor language inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. Polishing these aspects will make your writing clearer and more professional.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, with a well-defined introduction and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your arguments easily.
task achievement
You presented a balanced discussion by considering arguments for both sides before expressing your own opinion. This thorough approach enhances the credibility of your essay.
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