Some think that governments should support retired people financially while others believe they should take care of themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#think #governments #support #people #care

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Nowadays, there are people who suppose that the government have to help with the money for the elderly, whilst others are convinced that all of the people have to

concern

Wrong verb form

be concerned

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Change preposition

about

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their status by themselves. In

this

essay, I'll discuss both points of view, and try to explain my own. First of all, I'm interested in talking about the government's responsibility towards pensioners. We have to remember, that the working layer of the population is the layer of taxpayers and, in

another word

Fix the agreement mistake

other words

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, they are the basis of the budget.

Moreover

, the average citizen are paying the taxes for 3 decades at least. So, I'm convinced, we can't say them - your retirement budget is only your problem, thank you for working hard for 30 years, see you at your funeral. In conclusion of

this

paragraph - all the countries around the world have to convey the law for pensioners' protection, to

compulsory

Add an article

the compulsory

a compulsory

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minimal monthly payment to the pension fund during their life.

On the other hand

, we have to be responsible for our own lives, not only to hope for somebody else. If you want something to be done well - do it yourself. So, all of us have to pay to any special private fund. It will help us to be independent after retirement. In my humble opinion, the best option would be the mix of two points of view. The government have to take its part of responsibility,

as well as

dwellers have to think about themselves during their lives. Eventually, we will have a generation of independent and happy pensioners.

Submitted by anastasia on Mon Sep 16 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates a reasonable structure and flow. Improve logical structure by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Consider integrating more transitional phrases to enhance coherence and connection between points.

Task Achievement

The essay addresses the task and both views. Strengthen the response by providing more detailed arguments and specific examples to support each viewpoint. This will make your essay more comprehensive.

Task Achievement

Clarify and expand on your own opinion. Making it more explicit and detailed will contribute to a higher score.

Coherence & Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and provide a strong framework for the essay.

Task Achievement

The essay makes an effort to discuss both viewpoints and to provide a balanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

264 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

retirement
financial support
social responsibility
comfortable and secure
reduces poverty
safety net
limited resources
fairness and equality
personal responsibility
independence
financial planning
saving
burden on the government
control over retirement
economic growth
private investment
combination of approaches

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Some think that governments should support retired people financially while others believe they should take care of themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning your father language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweight disadvantages?

More and more people these days work harder and longer hours and have no time for family life and friends. What are the causes in your opinion for this? How is it affecting family life and the society as a whole?

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.