Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some
people
argue that extreme
sports
such
as
sky diving
Correct your spelling
skydiving
show examples
and skiing are dangerous,
therefore
, these
games
should be banned. I personally disagree with
this
statement because these
sports
are admired by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adventure-loving
people
, and if proper safety measures can be taken these
sports
can be played safely. Extreme
sports
are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
source of joy for some adventurers. Those who love to take risks and overcome fear as a source of joy, enjoy skiing and
sky diving
Correct your spelling
skydiving
show examples
.
However
, some
people
do not approve
these
Change preposition
of these
show examples
games
because there are higher life risks.
However
, if proper measures can be taken, these fears can be overcome.
For example
,
people
from the UK, every year participate in sky diving
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
and they win prizes. Safety rules are very strict in
this
competition,
therefore
, no accident has
been take
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
place yet.
Moreover
, if these
games
get banned,
people
who love to enjoy these
games
cannot enjoy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
anymore. These
games
teach
people
to overcome fear and take challenges in life.
Moreover
, participating in these
games
requires a lot of practice and
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
,
therefore
, it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
the participants to take part in extreme physical activities.
Thus
it helps to improve
people
's health. I personally believe that banning extreme
sports
is not a good solution. Rather,
people
should be encouraged to take part in these
games
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
While your stance is clear, ensure a more thorough exploration of both sides of the argument to provide a balanced discussion. Additionally, delve deeper into specific examples and provide more detailed evidence to back up your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs for better flow. Use cohesive devices and linking words more effectively to connect your ideas. Consider each paragraph's role in relation to the overall argument and aim for a more cohesive structure.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your introduction by outlining the structure of your essay. This will give the reader a clear idea of what to expect and improve the logical flow.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear and consistent stance on the topic, showing a solid understanding of your position.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay, including the introduction and conclusion, remains clear and provides direction for the reader.
task achievement
You effectively mention the importance of safety measures and the benefits of extreme sports, providing a basis for your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adrenaline rush
  • risk threshold
  • thrill-seeking
  • safety protocols
  • hazard assessment
  • adventure tourism
  • regulatory framework
  • personal autonomy
  • informed consent
  • risk mitigation strategies
  • thrill-seeking behavior
  • protective gear
  • extreme athleticism
  • freedom of choice
  • accident prevalence
  • emergency response
  • courage and resilience
  • endorphin release
  • legal implications
  • peer pressure effects
What to do next:
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