IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

#people #choices
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These days, our wider society become more creative than in the past, and we can
also
 see that
people
 have a lot of
choices
 to make their own lives. Personally, the claim of
this
 statement is disagreeable as the damage is seen, There are reasons to be elaborated as follows. No one can deny that, nowadays some are got bad effects from choosing their own life.
For instance
, some part of high school children in Thailand can't decide what they're gonna study,
while
 in the past it was easy to choose.
However
, lots of
choices
such
 as education
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only provide their future
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 improve their abilities. Nowadays universities have many
choices
 that student can choose for their favourite subject.
Besides
 that, they can skip university and go to work or work and study.
For example
, In Chulalongkorn University
that
Correct pronoun usage
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located in Bangkok, Thailand, has a lot of majors, that make students study what they're interested in. There is no doubt that
,
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 our world has massive occupations and innovations.
Moreover
, it makes
people
 choose a job for which they genuinely have workmanship in that part.
Such
 as
people
 who studied engineering at Chulalongkorn University can work on that, and it gives that company good employees.
To sum up
,
although
 too many
choices
 can harm
to
Change preposition
apply
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people
 who don't have their goals, it still brings benefits to our worldwide
and
Correct word choice
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population.
Thus
people
 should have their own goals and try hard to reach them as much as they can.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

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task achievement
Your introduction should provide a clearer thesis statement. Clearly state your position on whether we have too many choices nowadays.
task achievement
Develop your points more thoroughly. Explain how having many choices can impact individuals positively or negatively in greater detail.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are clearly expressed and support them with concrete examples. For instance, when discussing universities, provide more specific details about the benefits and struggles students face.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smooth transitions between paragraphs. Connect your ideas logically to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Revise your essay to ensure each main point is well-supported. Use examples and explanations to bolster your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and syntax. Minor errors can disrupt the reader's understanding.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument.
task achievement
You've provided relevant examples, particularly from education, to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
What to do next:
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