IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#country #language
It is believed that living in a country where
people
 speak a different
language
 from yours can lead to serious social and practical
problems
. I completely agree with
this
 notion for several reasons which will be discussed in
this
 essay. Starting with social
problems
, the main issue is the difficulties individuals may face
while
 making friends. When someone does not speak a foreign
language
as well as
 a native speaker, they may fail to communicate with neighbours or even colleagues properly.
As a result
, they cannot foster meaningful connections or simply social interactions, and
finally
, make any friends.
Furthermore
,
people
 who are not fluent speaking the
language
 of the country they live in
also
 avoid attending local festivals.
Thus
, they do not engage in social events held in their neighbourhood. All of these can lead to isolation which can cause depression over time. There are several practical
problems
 as well. Primarily, foreigners with a poor knowledge of the native
language
 may have difficulties finding an appropriate job opportunity which not only matches their abilities and experiences
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 is related to their occupation. Even if they get a good job, They may not get promoted to reach the position they deserve.
Moreover
, they cannot seek help from health staff when having a health condition
due to
 the poor linguistic understanding they have. It is impossible for them to explain the exact health problem they suffer from.
Finally
, shopping
also
 may be an issue for these
people
, as they will not be able to shop from local supermarkets or grocery stores. In conclusion, speaking a foreign
language
 in another country may turn out to be a real challenge when it comes to building social connections. It
also
 makes
people
 deal with various practical
problems
,
such
 as getting a job or using facilities like hospitals and shopping centres.
Submitted by ava.saljoughi on

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task achievement
The introduction is clear and effectively sets up the essay. To enhance your task response, you could provide more specific examples or real-life situations to illustrate the points. This would give more depth to your essay and make your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Although your points are well-organized, consider using a few more transitional phrases or words to further enhance the flow between paragraphs and ideas. This will improve the overall cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow your argument.
task achievement
The points you make are relevant and clearly support your overall argument. This demonstrates a good understanding of the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • linguistic proficiency
  • cross-cultural communication
  • miscommunication
  • social integration
  • linguistic alienation
  • cultural dissonance
  • language acquisition
  • communication breakdown
  • interpreter services
  • language courses
  • bilingualism
  • multilingualism
  • language barrier
  • effective communication
  • cultural assimilation
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