IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think most crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad in nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Many
people
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 thought that big issues of the situation like poorness and other socialist activities,
although
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 others
people
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 believed that most of the
people
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 are poorly reputation by the globe.
This
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 essay agrees with the latter point and will show that the creation does not flow to the men by the natural climate, as the potential change by the social platform used by timely maintained. It is openly argued that the earth's surface is the most dangerous environment in our world
that is
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 maintained by all individuals because there are many restrictions by the World Health Organization or the health authority services of each country. The world changes with time for hundreds of years, it's different criminal situations for social degradation, when time changes most
people
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 lose their current position like job, workable job, they
also
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 lose a family member.
For example
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, during "COVID-19", many countries have been badly affected and have helped their societies
as well as
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 the health industry.
However
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, I believe the administration limited its rules before climate change and the human-led Safe Fund began.
On the other hand
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, social media provides fake news in recent times as they are always active in these forums and are influenced by false information. Before the climate began, the government announced on social media, that some humanity posts were edited and reposted by misinformation. So, it has a bad effect on
people
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.
For instance
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, Smartphones are the most important in recent times, most of the time scrolling through Facebook affects families because internet costs are provided by parents.
For
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this
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 reason, I believe that our concerns about positive thinking are improved by the limited use and not criticized by any networking site. In conclusion,
although
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 they are really suffering from the earth's population change they are affected by many families,
this
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 essay thinks that management rules are most important because all our nations follow them and critical mindsets are not criticized by any platform because they are affected by mankind.

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task response
You need to address the task more directly. Make sure to clearly discuss both viewpoints: that crimes are the result of poverty and social problems, as well as the viewpoint that some people are inherently bad.
coherence and cohesion
Work on presenting clear and organized ideas. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence. Ensure logical transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
task response
Try to provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a basic structure to your writing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • socio-economic circumstances
  • poverty
  • lack of education
  • unemployment
  • illegal activities
  • desperation
  • social issues
  • exposure to violence
  • family structures
  • inherent
  • personality traits
  • lack of empathy
  • aggression
  • predilection for risk-taking
  • affluent backgrounds
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