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Band 7.5

Some people argue the government should support the funds for arts, while others suggest the money should be used for public health and education. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In recent years, with economic growth, there has been a significant increase in both
material
Correct article usage
the material
show examples
 and spiritual needs of citizens.
However
, people hold different views about the allocation of
government
 funds. Some individuals argue that the
government
 should prioritize healthcare and educational fields. One main reason in favour of
this
 view is that governments have the responsibility because they impose tax on almost all workers having a monthly income.
Thus
, they should reward those taxpayers with health care and education.
Besides
, health care and education are basic human rights and needs.
However
, the truth is that there exist some deprived and homeless people who cannot access them easily
due to
 lack of money. For them, the state should provide financial assistance to help solve the difficulty.
On the other hand
, these needs may have been satisfied in some nations, especially in developed ones.
Therefore
, some people believe
government
 grants should be poured into artistic development.
Firstly
, the arts, including musical, visual and literary ones, can help tired workers and stressed students after work and study to relax and get recharged, because of the peaceful, silent and colourful features of artworks.
Furthermore
, some arts,
such
 as opera in China, which are unique to a country’s culture, can help to define a nation’s identity, give the members of the society a sense of belonging and strengthen national pride and cohesion. In conclusion, the
government
 should value both types of fields, as health care and education are fundamental human rights and arts can meet residents’ emotional demands.
However
, the domain which the
government
 should prioritize should depend on every country’s specific conditions.
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task achievement
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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are connected with more explicit linking words or phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will enhance the readability and coherence of your argument.
task achievement
Your essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position on the issue. Well done!
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-developed, providing a clear overview and summarizing the main points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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