IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or dis agree.

#universities #numbers #students #dis
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In the realm of education, there is a perennial debate revolving around whether university committees should accept
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same
number
Use synonyms
 of men and women students in each subject. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, I am inclined to believe that they should not do it
due to
Linking Words
 the different demands and no robust argument. It could be argued that every college student has different interests regardless of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sex, so trying to equalize the
number
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 of attendees in each class would be difficult. In many cases, the
number
Use synonyms
 of male and female students would be different. There are,
for instance
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, several females
tend
Correct pronoun usage
who tend
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 to choose humanity fields and others
tend
Correct pronoun usage
who tend
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 to STEM (science, tech, engineering, and math).
As a consequence
Linking Words
, in some subjects, women are dominant,
while
Linking Words
 others are vice versa.
This
Linking Words
 trend took place because of the fact that no relationship between gender and the selected course. It should not be forgotten that there is a vague goal to equalize the
number
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. There are those who think that a similar
number
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 is part of affirmative action. Needless to say, affirmative action should be implemented in the bigger fields,
such
Linking Words
 as the
number
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 of house representatives, political parties, and civil society members,
while
Linking Words
 the sex-based
number
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 of students in certain classes is not a crucial and vital issue. There is no firm argument to equalize
this
Linking Words
 figure. To take everything into account, the university committee should not balance the
number
Use synonyms
 of sex because of two reasons, which are distinct interest courses and no strong reason.
Submitted by wiwinwindiahadi on

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task achievement
Task achievement: The essay presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the ideas could be developed more thoroughly with more relevant examples to illustrate the claims made. Additionally, the essay only covers one side of the argument, which may suggest a limited treatment of the task response.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay has an adequate overall structure, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Including more cohesive devices and varying sentence structures would enhance readability and flow. Furthermore, the introduction and conclusion are present but could be better developed to create a more impactful beginning and end for the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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