IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Somefamilies people believe that children who are brought up in which don't have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up in wealthier families. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#somefamilies #people #children #amounts #money #adult #life #families
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It is widely debated that children raised in low-wage
families
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 are way more prepared for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life
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challenges
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 than those who have been fostered in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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affluent
families
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. I partially agree, with the given statement and will give my opinion on both the facts.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, juveniles who are brought up in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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middle-class
families
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 take up
the
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apply
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responsibilities at an early stage of
life
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due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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poor financial conditions.
As a result
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, they experience the difficulties
life
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 throws at them and
due to
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 lack of support from the family they endure the pain alone.
Therefore
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, becoming
a emotionally strong individuals
Correct the article-noun agreement
an emotionally strong individual
emotionally strong individuals
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managing
Wrong verb form
manages
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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life
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 issues in a more effective way. Usually, children from
the
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apply
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economically challenged
families
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 start earning at
young
Add an article
a young
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 age.
Hence
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, they meet numerous people during the period which makes them aware of
the
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apply
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today's reality. Explaining
further
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, another school of thought, belongs to the youth of wealthier
families
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 who are nurtured under the vigilance of the parents with great love and affection. I believe, as they are privileged they have more exposure to the global world, which makes them updated with the new
challenges
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 of
life
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. If they
ever
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are ever
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 stuck in any kind of problem they use wealth and power to get their issues resolved, and it makes them prepared to face the tough situations of
life
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.
To conclude
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, different category of
group
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groups
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 faces different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of
life
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challenges
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 and get
well versed
Add a hyphen
well-versed
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
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 the ways of handling those situations. I agree,
youngsters
Correct word choice
that youngsters
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 from low-income
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 are
ready
Correct quantifier usage
more ready
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 to accept
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life
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challenges
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 than
the
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apply
show examples
rich kids because of their
life
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 experiences.
However
Linking Words
, socially advantaged individuals are
also
Linking Words
 prepared for the unexpected trials of
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by jyotikhera2712 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your main points are fully developed and supported with specific examples or detailed explanations to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between paragraphs to make your essay flow more smoothly. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt adequately and provides a clear perspective on both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clearly present, which helps frame your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, with a clear division of paragraphs discussing different aspects of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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