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Band 6

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
There are positive and negative
developments
 in the case that many
children
 are using their mobile
phones
 for more than hours .
For example
, in
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 development,
children
 are researching some interesting facts. Despite
this
, some
children
 are already addicted to playing games or watching social media on their
phones
.
To begin
 with, there are some negative
developments
 in the case that
children
 are using mobile
phones
. First of all, using
phones
 makes
children
's eyes worse and makes eye more stressed.
Moreover
, it is unhealthy for
children
's bodies.
Furthermore
, when
children
 are using
phones
 they begin to become addicted to using
phones
 and can not stop it in the future.
This
 means that they can not stop using
phones
 even during studying or during working time.
On the other hand
, there are positive
developments
 too.
For instance
, they can get the skill to research the question that
children
 want to know which is helpful for the future.
For example
, they can research anything they want and they can find more info and write some research papers.
Additionally
, it is helpful to know the news or info about what is happening in the world and be able to connect with social media.
To sum up
, there are some positive and negative
developments
 in the case of using a phone ,
such
 as using a phone is helpful to understand the world,
however
, it makes the eye bad. In my opinion, I think the use of
phones
 for
children
 is a negative development.
Submitted by dokmally2 on

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task achievement
The essay has a logical structure and includes both positive and negative aspects of children's smartphone use. However, work on developing your points more thoroughly with specific and detailed examples to enhance your arguments. For example, you could describe a specific scenario where a child uses a smartphone beneficially or negatively.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, there is a need for smoother transitions between the ideas presented in the body paragraphs. Use connecting phrases like 'In addition,' 'Moreover,' or 'On the one hand...on the other hand...' to improve the flow of your writing.
task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, showcasing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with paragraphs dedicated to specific points, which aids the reader in following your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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