IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The world has many towns and cities constructed in previous centuries that were more suitable and livable for people in those times than they are now. What problems will cause? What can be done to solve these problems?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Recently, many towns and
cities
Use synonyms
 around the world
were
Correct pronoun usage
that were
show examples
 constructed in previous centuries
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
are no longer suitable for modern lifestyles. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain several problems caused by
this
Linking Words
 trend and suggest possible solutions. One problem
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend is that residents cannot easily find housing
due to
Linking Words
 the rapidly growing
population
Use synonyms
. In many large
cities
Use synonyms
 around the world,
such
Linking Words
 as Tokyo, Seoul, and Mexico City,
population
Use synonyms
 concentration has become a serious issue. Workers tend to move to these
cities
Use synonyms
 because they can earn higher salaries from companies located in major urban areas.
As a result
Linking Words
, only wealthy people can afford to buy houses or apartments in these places. Another problem caused by
this
Linking Words
 situation is traffic congestion. Nowadays, it is becoming common for each family to own a car, which increases the number of vehicles on the road.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments need to take action in advance to deal with these problems. One solution to
population
Use synonyms
 concentration is that architects should design new types of accommodation that are taller than traditional buildings so that more residents can live in the same area.
As a result
Linking Words
, many high-rise apartment buildings are now being constructed, especially around major train stations. Another possible solution to heavy traffic is to redesign the structure of roads and city layouts. Since many of these
cities
Use synonyms
 were built a long time ago, governments should invest time and money in improving infrastructure in order to reduce citizens’ stress and improve transportation efficiency. In conclusion,
cities
Use synonyms
 built in the past can cause problems
such
Linking Words
 as
population
Use synonyms
 concentration and traffic congestion.
However
Linking Words
, these issues can be addressed by constructing modern housing and redesigning urban infrastructure.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
For task response, you answer both parts of the question, but your problem part is a bit narrow. You talk mostly about housing and traffic. Add one more clear problem of old cities, like old public systems or small streets, to make your answer fuller.
task response
For task response, your ideas are clear, but some points need more detail. Explain more how old city design causes these problems today, not only that population is growing.
task response
For task response, your solutions are good, but they are quite general. Add one more direct step, like better buses or moving jobs to other areas, so your answer feels stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear structure with introduction, body, and conclusion. This is good. To make it better, make the link between old city design and each problem more direct in every paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your ideas move in a logical way, but some sentences are a bit long and broad. Try to make one main idea in each paragraph and support it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you use linking words like 'as a result' and 'however' well. Still, do not use the same pattern too much. Try some simple links like 'this means' or 'because of this' to sound more natural.
task response
For task response, you answer both questions clearly: you write about problems and also give solutions.
task response
For task response, you use real city examples like Tokyo, Seoul, and Mexico City. This helps make your ideas more real.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow because each paragraph has a clear role.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your introduction and conclusion are both present and they match the main ideas of the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overcrowding
  • infrastructure
  • traffic congestion
  • housing shortages
  • degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • energy efficiency
  • carbon footprint
  • accessibility
  • sustainable urban planning
  • smart city technologies
  • green technology
  • regulations
  • sustainable
  • integrated
  • public transportation
  • pedestrian
  • cycling infrastructure
  • reliance
  • mitigate
What to do next:
Look at other essays: