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Band 5.5

In some countries, it can be very difficult for people over the age of fifty to get good jobs, despite their experience.what do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

#countries #people #age #fifty #jobs #measures
There is
this
 concern going on
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
 countries that
experienced
Verb problem
apply
show examples
people
, whose
age
 above 50, are having difficulty
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
getting good jobs.
This
 essay will cover the possible reasons
of
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for
show examples
this
 issue and the solution that might work to solve it. One of the significant causes of
this
 phenomenon is that individuals who are 50 and older are considered
as
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apply
show examples
unproductive and often perceived
unfit
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as unfit
show examples
. As we all know, many jobs require
people
 to have good physical to get the best output.
For instance
, when a construction company needs a new worker, they will definitely choose someone young who has good strength and energy.
As a result
, older construction workers with experience are no longer desirable. Another cause is that experienced
job
 seekers have their own worth as they offer a bunch of skills from their previous working experiences. These
people
 have their own salary standard
,
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apply
show examples
 and will negotiate for it.
However
, in many cases in Indonesia, companies prefer cheap
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 and hire fresh graduates as their new employees,
instead
 of
people
 with
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
. The governments have to take a step on
this
 concern to solve
this
 problem. They ought to make a regulation for companies to not limit the
age
 requirement so that everyone, regardless of their
age
, can apply for a
job
 without any discrimination. Changes that are made
on
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to
show examples
this
 regulation not only help the senior
job
 seekers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 reduce the unemployment rate in the country. In conclusion, physical abilities and companies' preferences are the reasons why
people
age
 above 50 find it hard to get a decent
job
, and governments need to manage
this
 issue by creating new
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 which can benefit both the individuals and the nation.
Submitted by ameliahanakaru01 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to enhance your understanding of 'coherence and cohesion' by regularly practicing structuring different types of essay prompts. Look for sample essays online, analyze how they are structured, and integrate similar structures into your own writing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each point is explored in sufficient detail while ensuring each paragraph logically flows to the next. This could mean using transitional phrases more effectively or ensuring a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
To improve your 'task response,' you can practice by writing essays within the time limits frequently, then reviewing them to check if you’ve fully covered the question with relevant points and examples.
task achievement
Work on more comprehensive and clear ideas by engaging in brainstorming sessions on different topics. This might help you to develop and articulate your points more effectively in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively summarizes your main points.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples that appropriately support your main arguments, such as the construction worker example in the first main body paragraph.
task achievement
Your ideas are clearly communicated and you stayed relevant to the prompt, directly addressing the issue of employment challenges faced by those over the age of 50.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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