In some countries, it can be very difficult for people over the age of fifty to get good jobs, despite their experience.what do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

There is
this
concern going on
some
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in some
show examples
countries that
experienced
Verb problem
apply
show examples
people
, whose
age
above 50, are having difficulty
in
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apply
show examples
getting good jobs.
This
essay will cover the possible reasons
of
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for
show examples
this
issue and the solution that might work to solve it. One of the significant causes of
this
phenomenon is that individuals who are 50 and older are considered
as
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apply
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unproductive and often perceived
unfit
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as unfit
show examples
. As we all know, many jobs require
people
to have good physical to get the best output.
For instance
, when a construction company needs a new worker, they will definitely choose someone young who has good strength and energy.
As a result
, older construction workers with experience are no longer desirable. Another cause is that experienced
job
seekers have their own worth as they offer a bunch of skills from their previous working experiences. These
people
have their own salary standard
,
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apply
show examples
and will negotiate for it.
However
, in many cases in Indonesia, companies prefer cheap
labor
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labour
show examples
and hire fresh graduates as their new employees,
instead
of
people
with
experiences
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experience
show examples
. The governments have to take a step on
this
concern to solve
this
problem. They ought to make a regulation for companies to not limit the
age
requirement so that everyone, regardless of their
age
, can apply for a
job
without any discrimination. Changes that are made
on
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to
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this
regulation not only help the senior
job
seekers
,
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apply
show examples
but
also
reduce the unemployment rate in the country. In conclusion, physical abilities and companies' preferences are the reasons why
people
age
above 50 find it hard to get a decent
job
, and governments need to manage
this
issue by creating new
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
which can benefit both the individuals and the nation.
Submitted by ameliahanakaru01 on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each point is explored in sufficient detail while ensuring each paragraph logically flows to the next. This could mean using transitional phrases more effectively or ensuring a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
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task achievement
Work on more comprehensive and clear ideas by engaging in brainstorming sessions on different topics. This might help you to develop and articulate your points more effectively in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively summarizes your main points.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples that appropriately support your main arguments, such as the construction worker example in the first main body paragraph.
task achievement
Your ideas are clearly communicated and you stayed relevant to the prompt, directly addressing the issue of employment challenges faced by those over the age of 50.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age discrimination
  • hiring processes
  • bias towards younger candidates
  • adaptable
  • updated skill sets
  • technological advancements
  • continual training
  • digital tools and platforms
  • high salary expectations
  • financially beneficial
  • health issues
  • lower endurance
  • age-diversity hiring policies
  • training programs
  • current technologies
  • work methods
  • competitive in the job market
  • education initiatives
  • societal perceptions
  • government incentives
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