Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
It is considered by some that
competition
in classroom
can be disadvantageous to students, Add an article
the classroom
a classroom
whereas
other
argue that it can make them eager to learn new things. Fix the agreement mistake
others
Although
it can cause mental stress on children's mind
, I personally think that learning in Fix the agreement mistake
minds
such
an environment can increase their attention toward lessons.
On the one hand, there is too much pressure on kids to do better and stand out among peers. This
can cause them a serious problem in their day to day
life that can create mental health problems too. Add a hyphen
day-to-day
Also
, too much competition
can rob off
Change preposition
apply
a children
of their childhood and playfulness. Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
Additionally
, there can also
be development of enmity among peers which will deprive them of making any valuable connections. For instance
, in India suicide rates rockets
during exam seasons and at the time of result.
Fix the agreement mistake
rocket
On the other hand
, when students are faced with competition
, they feel like they are being challenged and therefore
, do their best to outshine the rest of the classmates. It causes them listen
to the teachers more, attend classes regularly and diligently Add the particle
to listen
completely
their assignments on time. They are Change the word
complete
also
inclined to do extra works
and volunteer Fix the agreement mistake
work
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
inorder
to gain extra credits which will not only make their report cards better but Correct your spelling
in order
also
aid in their future endeavors
. Change the spelling
endeavours
For example
, Indian and chinese
are the most high ranking students in the world Change the capitalization
Chinese
due to
the extensive competition
they are face
with in their schools.
In conclusion, Change the verb form
are faced
competition
might be the cause of mental illnesses in children, however
, it can cultivate a child's mind into a greater one by training it harder at the same time. So, with a careful approach, a student can take advantage of a competitve
environment.Correct your spelling
competitive
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task achievement
While your essay addresses both sides of the argument and includes relevant examples, it could benefit from a bit more elaboration on how exactly competition can stress children. Also, ensure to explain why you personally find the positive aspects of competition more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the transition between points to enhance fluidity. Using more transitional phrases will make your essay more coherent. Also, tightening up the structure a bit will make it easier to follow.
language accuracy
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, like 'rob off' instead of 'rob of,' and 'completely their assignments' instead of 'completing their assignments'. These can distract the reader.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view and you’ve included valid points for both sides which makes your essay well developed and thorough.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and wrap your essay up neatly. They provide a strong starting and ending point to your arguments.