Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #schools #impact #children #environment

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It is considered by some that

competition

Use synonyms

classroom

Add an article

the classroom

a classroom

show examples

can be disadvantageous to students,

whereas

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other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

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argue that it can make them eager to learn new things.

Although

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it can cause mental stress on children's

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

, I personally think that learning in

such

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an environment can increase their attention toward lessons. On the one hand, there is too much pressure on kids to do better and stand out among peers.

This

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can cause them a serious problem in their

day to day

Add a hyphen

day-to-day

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life that can create mental health problems too.

Also

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, too much

competition

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can rob

off

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apply

show examples

a children

Correct the article-noun agreement

children

a child

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of their childhood and playfulness.

Additionally

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, there can

also

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be development of enmity among peers which will deprive them of making any valuable connections.

For instance

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, in India suicide rates

rockets

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rocket

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during exam seasons and at the time of result.

On the other hand

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, when students are faced with

competition

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, they feel like they are being challenged and

therefore

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, do their best to outshine the rest of the classmates. It causes them

listen

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to listen

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to the teachers more, attend classes regularly and diligently

completely

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complete

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their assignments on time. They are

also

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inclined to do extra

works

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work

show examples

and volunteer

works

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work

show examples

inorder

Correct your spelling

in order

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to gain extra credits which will not only make their report cards better but

also

Linking Words

aid in their future

endeavors

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endeavours

show examples

For example

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, Indian and

chinese

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Chinese

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are the most high ranking students in the world

due to

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the extensive

competition

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they

are face

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are faced

show examples

with in their schools. In conclusion,

competition

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might be the cause of mental illnesses in children,

however

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, it can cultivate a child's mind into a greater one by training it harder at the same time. So, with a careful approach, a student can take advantage of a

competitve

Correct your spelling

competitive

environment.

Submitted by az09jimzz on Sat Sep 21 2024

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task achievement

While your essay addresses both sides of the argument and includes relevant examples, it could benefit from a bit more elaboration on how exactly competition can stress children. Also, ensure to explain why you personally find the positive aspects of competition more compelling.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving the transition between points to enhance fluidity. Using more transitional phrases will make your essay more coherent. Also, tightening up the structure a bit will make it easier to follow.

language accuracy

Watch out for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, like 'rob off' instead of 'rob of,' and 'completely their assignments' instead of 'completing their assignments'. These can distract the reader.

task achievement

Your essay presents a balanced view and you’ve included valid points for both sides which makes your essay well developed and thorough.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are clear and wrap your essay up neatly. They provide a strong starting and ending point to your arguments.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5

6.5

Logical structure

7.5

Introduction & conclusion present

7.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

7.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

7.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

289 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

undue stress
academic achievement
critical thinking
interpersonal skills
unhealthy rivalries
social isolation
bullying
reduced collaboration
motivation
achieve their goals
resilience
perseverance
innovation
improvement
outperform
higher standards

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Plastic bags, plastic bottles and plastic packaging are bad for the environment. What damage does plastic do to the environment? What can be done by governments and individuals to solve this problem?

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