Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Only people who earn a lot of money are successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

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Fortune
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is probably the one thing that mankind has been chasing for almost as long as it existed.
Fortune
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comes in a multitude of ways, it can come by having a
lot
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of houses, having different high-end cars or even having the ability to go places some
people
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might not even dream of seeing. There is a question that has been on the minds of many, are only
people
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with a
lot
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of
money
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considered successful? In
this
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essay, I will answer
this
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question and give my opinion on the subject. Why is
money
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linked with success? Because
money
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can get you places, A perfect example is,that I once knew a rich man named Almansour, he built his
fortune
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through a catering business he started, he told me "Before building my
fortune
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I could not go nor meet any of the
people
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that I'm currently in business with" with that being said,
money
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does indeed open hidden doors and get you places.
Also
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,
money
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can make you successful in almost anything, what do I mean by that?
Money
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can make you successful in Family relationships and, bring families closer together. A good example is, my own family, my family and I work hard together to keep up with the
fortune
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my father built for us,
this
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brings us closer together and makes our bond stronger.
In addition
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,
money
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can make you and all around you happy, of course having the ability to buy gifts and host gatherings will make you and all the
people
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around you happy. As with everything,
money
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has its downsides one being, that you can't know for sure if the person in front of you is here for you or is here for your
money
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. A good way to explain
this
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is to tell you another thing Almansour told me, he said: "When I first came across the
fortune
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I built, A
lot
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of the
people
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that didn't want anything to do with me suddenly started hanging out with me".
This
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shows that having
money
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can bring fake
people
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into your life. In conclusion, in my opinion,
people
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who earn a
lot
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of
money
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are indeed more successful than
people
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who don't.
In addition
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, having
money
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has more upsides than downsides so I agree with the statement.
Submitted by almansouradel1 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider enhancing the logical links between your points to improve the flow of your argument. You may use more transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Please be cautious with minor grammar issues, especially with sentence fragments and commas. Ensuring grammatically complete sentences will increase clarity.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is engaging and presents a clear thesis statement. Well done!
relevant specific examples
Your essay includes relevant and specific examples to back up your points, which adds strength to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • subjective
  • fulfillment
  • personal happiness
  • contributions to society
  • volunteering
  • activism
  • personal achievements
  • academic accomplishments
  • mastering a skill
  • indicators of success
  • independent of monetary wealth
  • financial stability
  • monetary wealth
  • emotional well-being
  • societal impact
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