IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Austrailian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Austrailian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features.
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The two charts above illustrate the
energy
 spending and greenhouse
gas
 emission patterns in an Australian home on average, divided
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a variety of components. Generally, most
energy
 was spent on heating,
while
 there has been a balanced distribution in the origins where greenhouse
gas
 was produced. Accounted for nearly three quarters in the usage of power supplied, heating (42%) and water heating (30%) were components
which
Change preposition
on which
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 Aussie homes spent the most
amount
 of
energy
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
on average.
While
 the waste
gas
 produced by heating water remains at a similar proportion at 32%, "heating" generated a
signifcantly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 smaller
amount
 of
gas
in contrast
, more than halved in comparison to water heating. "Refrigeration" and "other
appicances
Correct your spelling
appliances
applicants
" are items that spend a relatively less
amount
 of power by households, accounting for 7% and 15% respectively.
However
, the ratio for these items
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 doubled in terms
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 greenhouse
gas
 released to the environment, reaching nearly 15% and 30%. With only 2 and 4
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, the least
amount
 of
energy
 has been spent on "cooling" and "lighting" compared to
ather
Correct your spelling
other
 items used by Australian homes.
On the other hand
, there has been a slight increase in the proportion of waste
gas
 emissions for "cooling" at 3
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
while
 the rate for "lighting" has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
doubled.
Submitted by 788seal on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, gas, amount with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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