IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The picture below shows how a hot balloon works. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features

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The diagram depicts the construction of a hot
air
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balloon
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 and its working mechanism.
Overall
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, the construction consists of several parts, including the
envelope
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, the skirt, the
burner
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 and the
basket
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.
Also
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 of note is that the mechanism of a typical hot-
air
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balloon
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 involves the thermal regulation of hot
air
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. The main part of a hot
balloon
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 is a large
envelope
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 which has an inverted teardrop shape. At the top is the ‘parachute valve’ which is a self-sealing flap used to regulate the pace at which hot
air
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 escapes. The large vertical sections below the valve are called ‘gores’, which are made up of smaller panels. The
envelope
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 tapers into a small base called
‘skirt’
Correct article usage
a ‘skirt’
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. The skirt is attached to the
basket
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 using ropes, and the
burner
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 hangs above the
basket
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. Inside the
basket
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 are propane tanks which are used to power the
burner
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. Regarding the function of the hot
air
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balloon
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, the
burner
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 combines regular
air
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 with propane to heat the
air
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 trapped inside the
envelope
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, which
then
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 becomes lighter and
thus
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 makes the
balloon
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 buoyant.
To begin
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 a descent, the
air
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 is cooled and effectively becomes heavier, pulling the hot
air
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balloon
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 downward.

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task achievement
You did a great job explaining the overall construction and working mechanism of a hot air balloon. However, you could improve your introduction by briefly summarizing the body of your essay to better set the stage for your reader.
coherence cohesion
Adding a brief conclusion can make your essay feel more complete and provide a sense of closure.
task achievement
Your explanation of the hot air balloon’s parts and their functions was clear and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is strong, and your points are well-supported with specific details.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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