You recently went to a concert and thought one of te singers was very good. You want to tell him hoe you feel. Write a letter to the singer. In your letter - say how you feel about his performance -give details of your musical activities -explain how you would like him to help you with your musical activities

#concert #te #singers #hoe #singer #performance #-give #activities #-explain

Dear Shaan, I hope

this

letter finds you well. I recently attended your live concert that happened in Amritsar

last

week on 15th September. You have great vocals and your live singing was pleasing to

ears

Correct article usage

the ears

show examples

. I feel delighted to mention that you had a good grasp of the

music

notes

and the variations that

used

Add a missing verb

were used

show examples

were so impressive. It was a captivating concert; if you had time, we would have requested

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

more of your time. I am a dedicated singer and working as a part-time

music

teacher with one of the

music

centres in my city. I have been practising to improve my

notes

and get hold of my breath

while

singing in one note, but, I have always been failing to do that. I am interested

to register

Change preposition

in registering

show examples

myself for

upcoming

Correct article usage

the upcoming

show examples

singing competition Indian Idol. Before

that

Add a comma

that,

show examples

I want to understand the several aspects of

music

notes

and practice my rags under the supervision of

experienced

Correct article usage

an experienced

show examples

person. I have recorded my

music

and sending you

along with

this

letter so that you can listen to it. I urge you to give your valuable feedback and ways to refine my

notes

. It would be considerate of you if you allow me to have a few practice sessions under your supervision. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Yours sincerely, JK

Submitted by jyotikhera2712 on Wed Sep 25 2024

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task achievement

Try to elaborate a bit more on how the singer's performance influenced you. It would also be beneficial to connect your musical activities to the singer's style or techniques you admired during the concert. This can make your request for guidance more compelling.

coherence cohesion

While your letter is logically structured, consider consolidating similar ideas into a single paragraph and ensuring each point flows smoothly into the next. This can help improve the overall readability and coherence of your letter.

task achievement

The letter maintains a consistent and suitable writing tone, which is respectful and appropriate for addressing the singer.

coherence cohesion

The greeting and closing are effectively handled, contributing to a polite and well-rounded letter.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

7 paragraphs

223 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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