IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Being a celebrity, such as a famous film star or sports personality, brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

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It is argued that problems and
benefits
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 come hand-in-hand for famous movie stars and sports personalities.
Although
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 celebrities encounter problems related to privacy, I believe that there are more
benefits
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 because
such
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 a
life
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 leads to
creation
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the creation
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 of wealth. The moment people become renowned all over the world, different
medias
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media
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 and
reporters
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 start chasing them everywhere, leading to
significant
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a significant
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 invasion of privacy. Their personal
life
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 is exposed to the public to
such
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 an extent that celebrities, sometimes, have to hide from the world for their mental well-being.
For example
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, Justin Bieber, a world-famous musician, was followed by multiple TV channel
reporters
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 throughout his childhood, which resulted him in undergoing therapy in order to maintain his mental health.
However
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, I believe that, if managed well, celebrities can prevent the pervasive nature of media and television channel
reporters
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 from ruining their lives. The main benefit of leading a celebrity
life
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 is the access to huge
amount
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amounts
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 of money. Generally, famous TV stars and sports personalities earn stupendous salaries from their direct
income
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 source.
Moreover
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, from the moment they start to become recognized, the big brands start to approach them and extend huge contracts, which acts as their secondary
income
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, and having a lot of disposable
income
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 solves any issues in today’s world.
For instance
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, Cristiano Ronaldo, arguably the world’s best footballer ever, signed a 300 million dollar contract with a Saudi football club, Al Nassr. As having a celebrity
life
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 opens up the possibility
to create
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of creating
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 wealth, I’m of the opinion that
such
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 a
life
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 has more
benefits
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. In conclusion,
while
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 famous movie actors and sports people have a tough time with
reporters
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, hindering their private
life
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, they
also
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 draw large wages from their primary and secondary
income
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, which might help them resolve issues in all
aspect
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aspects
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 of their lives. For these reasons, the
benefits
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 far outnumber the problems.

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task achievement
Your essay responds well to the task and provides a balanced view. However, you can strengthen your argument by further exploring how wealth resolves problems beyond just financial stability.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and connectors to ensure smoother transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each point is thoroughly developed and supported with more in-depth examples or explanations to enhance the clarity and strength of your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay effectively covers both the benefits and problems of being a celebrity, providing a well-rounded response to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, clearly outlining your position and summarizing your main points effectively.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples, such as mentioning Justin Bieber and Cristiano Ronaldo, which strengthen your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Public scrutiny
  • Intrusive
  • Endorsements
  • Sponsorships
  • Financial security
  • High-profile collaborations
  • Social influence
  • Philanthropic efforts
  • Trust issues
  • Mental health challenges
  • Substance abuse
  • Pressures of celebrity
  • Expectations
  • Disconnect from reality
  • Normalcy
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