IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that we should have a four-day working week and still be paid the same. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #week
Everyone has to
work
 to earn money. But, everyone needs some free
time
, to go out and have fun with friends and family.
Therefore
, with five
days
working
Change preposition
of working
show examples
, it's kind of hard to have enough
time
 to have fun.
Firstly
, it always depends on how you use your
time
.
In other words
, some people find it really hard to wake up early and have a lot of
time
 to spend on the weekends.
This
 won'
t
 give them enough
time
 to go out and have fun, but
this
 is not a good excuse to ask for less working
days
.
However
, I think that everyone should have more
time
 to spend with their family and friends.
Therefore
, I think they should
work
 more hours on the four
days
 of working, to get more
days
 off.
In other words
, you can'
t
 ask to get more money by doing less
work
, you need to
work
 as hard as you can to give your family a happy life. But, that won'
t
 be the case if you're getting treated like animals in the job. if
that is
 the case
then
 you should leave and find a better job with fewer working
days
. After all, people should always find a job that they enjoy working at. And I
also
 think that people should have four working
days
 and still get paid the same. Because, they have to spend
time
 with their kids and family, which is more important than anything else. Working all the
time
 won'
t
 let you see your kids growing up.
Submitted by h9715823 on

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task response
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas more smoothly. For instance, using transition words and phrases can help improve the flow of your essay.
task response
Although your main points are clear, try to develop them in more detail. This will help in fully achieving the task response.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively frame your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas that are easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • productivity
  • mental health
  • efficiency
  • carbon emissions
  • traffic congestion
  • economic implications
  • hobbies
  • adjusting
  • continuous service
  • feasible
  • initially
  • concentration
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