IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To wat extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit #wat
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The young generation and their contributions to society are vital for the future of the community. So, some people who prone to believe that youngsters should be encouraged to initiate
work
Use synonyms
. I think that it promoting will become well both their
work
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 and they bring to benefits community. First of all, students only engage in university studies, and it brings about deprivation of social
life
Use synonyms
. In spite of these students learn well lessons, isolation from social
life
Use synonyms
 will difficulties in their job
life
Use synonyms
. So, many companies hire experienced individuals who participated in various measures or are members of some organizations today.
Therefore
Linking Words
, teenagers should be promoted to
work
Use synonyms
 and gain experience in communities , especially in universities.
For example
Linking Words
, a lot of voluntary measures are taken by teachers every year in many universities in Canada. Thanks to these measures, young people are more likely to be capable and responsible in their jobs.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the fact that individuals
work
Use synonyms
 at a young age
also
Linking Words
 helps them get used to the
work
Use synonyms
 environment quickly. Teamwork ensures that the youngest may
work
Use synonyms
 comfortably with their colleagues in the future in the university or colleges.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the true values of
life
Use synonyms
 like tolerance, patience, team spirit, and cooperation can be learned.
Thus
Linking Words
, the
work
Use synonyms
 of teenagers will benefit them the most. In conclusion, some individuals argue that young people should
work
Use synonyms
 unpaid community jobs
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 leisure time. I believe that the notion of a teenager doing unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 is indeed good for both communities and them.
Submitted by quluzadenurlan107 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that directly addresses the prompt to strengthen your position.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points for a stronger argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your essay with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the main argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the use of linking words to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs for smoother reader progression.
task achievement
You've demonstrated a clear understanding of the topic and its significance.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance, reinforcing the essay's message.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: