The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Recently, there have been a lot of discussions about
health
and whether it is going to improve or not. In my opinion, I think that people
will become unhealthier in the future
than they are now.
There are many reasons that support the idea of people
becoming unhealthy in the future
. Firstly
, one reason is that of food
. People
tend to eat more fast food
nowadays. They tend to treat themselves with sweets and chocolate whenever they want. This
appears to be because people
are busier now than they used to be. So, people
don’t have a chance to cook or even learn the art of cookery. Also
, having a lot of unhealthy food
can lead to obesity and it could be a serious issue in the future
. Another reason is that technology
is developing everyday
. Young Replace the word
every day
people
enjoy buying new gadgets and the latest devices. This
has a negative impact on their health
, especially when they enjoy video games. Spending long hours looking at a screen can lead to bad eyesight and obesity as well. Yet another reason is that laziness is a big issue. Different forms of exercise
might disappear in the future
because people
don’t like sports. Also
, people
prefer spending most of their time on the internet and the internet is growing every single day.
Other people
might disagree and say that health
will improve in the future
. They believe that new sports and new ways to exercise
will appear in the future
. However
, I don’t think it can happen since the majority of people
spend less time outdoors. Moreover
, other people
believe that technology
will try and help people
improve their health
. For example
, there have been some games released on the Wii console that makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
people
exercise
but technology
is developing more in a negative way. For instance
, many phone industries are developing new applications everyday
and today’s generation likes to follow every trend. Replace the word
every day
This
prevents people
to go
outside to Change preposition
from going
exercise
. They like to spend more time on the internet downloading new programmes or reading gossips
about Fix the agreement mistake
gossip
celebraties
. Correct your spelling
celebrities
This
affects people
’s health
badly.
In conclusion, I believe that people
’s health
is affected negatively by fast food
, technology
and sports and it will be a problem in the future
Submitted by ugyenyangzom42 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer introduction that outlines the main points which will be discussed in the body paragraphs. This will help in creating a stronger logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and evidence to strengthen the arguments presented. Personal anecdotes or statistical data would enhance the validity of the points made.
task achievement
To elevate the quality of your response, try to address and refute counterarguments more robustly. This provides a depth to your essay and demonstrates critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
Link sentences and paragraphs more effectively using a variety of cohesive devices. This will improve the overall flow and make the essay more engaging to read.
task achievement
The essay presents clear ideas and arguments about why people's health might worsen in the future. The points are relevant and logical.
coherence cohesion
There is a structured format with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This provides a basic framework for understanding the essay's flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes contrasting viewpoints, showing an awareness of different perspectives. This is good for creating a balanced discussion.