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Band 6

Some people think that secondary school student should study academic subject while other believe that they should study practical subject Discuss both the view and give your opinion?

#people #school #student #study
Nowadays,
education
 is essential to enhance personal
skills
 and knowledge. When the topic of
education
 is discussed, there are divided opinions. A group of people claim that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 learning academic courses are important in schools for learning.
However
, a few others claim that
students
 should learn non-academic
subjects
. Prior to my opinion, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
viewpoints are discussed
further
. Discussing the former opinion is that receiving an
education
 on educational topics can boost common knowledge. To explain, without learning general studies
such
 as history, mathematics, and biology,
students
 might not be able to understand basic concepts in their studies.
For instance
, by learning mathematics,
students
 can apply common calculations in their daily lives.
Furthermore
, theory-based
subjects
 are more needed for
students
 to continue their higher
education
.
This
 means it will help create cognitive
skills
,
advance
Correct word choice
and advance
show examples
 innovations, and developments.
For example
, to become a doctor, engineer, or scientist, without fundamental knowledge,
students
 cannot achieve
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 positions.
The
Change preposition
On the
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 contrary, realistic
subjects
such
 as cookery, music, sports, and machinery are
also
 important for
students
 who want to become independent early. In fact,
students
 can start working and earning money in smaller age. To illustrate, the famous Indian businessman Anil Ambani never went to school for learning. He developed
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
 through his practical
skills
 and experiences.
In addition
, experimental
subjects
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 elaborate thinking abilities, communication
skills
, personality, and confidence.
This
 can lead to productive employment and self-sufficiency. Because of
this
students
 can easily build their successful careers. In my opinion,
students
 should choose a combination of practical and academic
subjects
.
This
 way,
students
 will develop a broad range of
skills
 for versatile future careers
Submitted by janvi.bhuva2000 on

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complete response
Try to further elaborate on your examples. Adding more specific details will strengthen your points and make your argument more persuasive.
logical structure
Work on slightly improving the logical flow between your paragraphs for better overall coherence.
clear comprehensive ideas
Consider refining your language to ensure clarity and precision in expressing your ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument and states your intention to discuss both viewpoints.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a well-structured conclusion that summarizes the discussion and gives your opinion effectively.
relevant specific examples
You've provided relevant examples to support your points, which shows understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive skills
  • higher education
  • specialized careers
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving abilities
  • effective communication
  • tangible skills
  • real-world scenarios
  • immediate entry into the workforce
  • daily living skills
  • foundation
  • fostering innovation
  • technological development
  • rigorous academic training
  • well-rounded individuals
  • analytical reasoning
  • inclined towards
  • productive employment
  • self-sufficiency
  • vocational training
  • diverse learning styles
  • integrates
  • balanced curriculum
  • broad range of skills
  • adaptable
  • versatile
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