Some think parents should control screen time, while others say children should decide. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People are often divided on the issue of who should
control
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children
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’s screen time.
While
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it is commonly argued that parents should monitor device usage, others insist that
children
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themselves should be responsible.
This
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essay will evaluate both perspectives before presenting my own view. On the one hand, supporters of parental
control
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claim that young
children
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cannot always make logical or reasonable decisions on their own. The underlying reason is that parents generally know what is best for their child’s well-being.
For example
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, if youngsters were left to manage their own screen time, they might easily ignore limits
due to
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the attraction of games or social media.
This
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suggests that parental supervision is essential to protect
children
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from overuse of technology.
On the other hand
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, proponents of giving
children
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control
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believe that allowing them to manage their own usage helps them become independent and responsible.
This
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is primarily because young people today are often mature beyond their years. A good example of
this
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can be seen in teenagers who create income through platforms
such
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as YouTube, Instagram, or TikTok. These young entrepreneurs set a positive role model for their peers by demonstrating responsibility and self-discipline. After weighing both arguments, I am more persuaded by the idea that
children
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should gradually learn to manage their own screen time, as it offers valuable opportunities to develop independence and decision-making skills. In conclusion,
although
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both sides raise valid points, I am convinced that
children
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should be given the chance to
control
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their digital activity, but always with parental guidance to ensure balance and safety.

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content
Add more depth to each idea. Give more clear facts or small steps on how screen time can be managed.
structure
Make each paragraph have a clear main idea with a topic sentence.
coherence
Use more linking words to show the flow between views.
language
Keep a clear position throughout, and avoid big general claims.
language
Check grammar and vary sentence length to show range.
content
The essay clearly shows both sides and gives a personal view.
organization
The use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' helps with order.
coherence
Conclusion repeats your view and ends with a note of guidance.
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