IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #competition #work #school #life
While
 it is believed by certain individuals that educational and
work
 spaces should have a competitive environment
as well as
 in everyday routines, others argue that it is best to
work
 together
instead
 of going rival against
one
 another. I will discuss these two ways of thinking in the following paragraph
along with
 my own point of view. On
one
 hand, it is assumed that contention at learning institutions provides benefits for the community contributing there as it can help them go
further
 in their studies
in addition
 to their
work
 in workplaces;
thus
, they won’t be deferred.
Besides
 that, even when it comes to daily life, mankind can derive some merits from being in contest with each other
due to
 the reason that it keeps them upgraded;
together with
 assisting them to gain life experience through these controversies.
On the other hand
, a number of people support a different position. They think collaborating with others is essential on an everyday basis especially when it comes to
work
 and educational life in places
such
 as universities and schools. Complying gives human beings an enhanced view of various conditions because they will be able to use more than
one
 brain when they face obstacles in what they do;
therefore
, the more people cooperate with each other in their lifetime, the more they are able to do. In conclusion, despite the fact that there are two opposite sides to
this
 argument, it seems to me that both beliefs are acceptable depending on the circumstances.
As a consequence
, individuals should learn to complete in
work
 and study environments to build up their skills;
nevertheless
, cooperate with
one
 another in terms of everyday routines.
Submitted by forouzanmehr.a on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to support your points. This can help illustrate your arguments more effectively and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on slightly improving your coherence by ensuring each paragraph is clearly connected to the next. Use more transition words to guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Your essay consistently presents a clear position throughout and provides a thoughtful discussion of both views.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both well-written, providing a clear framework for your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is solid, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point or perspective clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: