At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #advantage #situation

Nowadays, some nations have young

adults

more than old

people

, the advantage of

this

phenomenon

is the strong

economy

, and one of the advantages is the deficiency of employment, in my point of view I think that that advantage outweighs the disadvantages. The downside of the statement is unemployment if young

people

in one

country

are more than old ones that's what leads to fights over jobs, the combination of young

adults

will increase more and that will decrease the income in that

country

due to

the lack in jobs, a recent study in some countries found that the countries that have a large number of young

adults

are prone to unemployment, we can avoid

this

phenomenon

by introducing

people

to E-commerce to solve the unemployment issue.

On the other hand

, the advantage of

this

phenomenon

is that the

country

will have an excellent

economy

, that's by having large and exciting

adults

people

to work and develop their

country

hence

, young

people

have the passion two increase the output of their

country

, a prime example is Dubai, it is one of the most successful nations in the world, they have strong

economy

due to

figure of young

people

there,

however

, having a significant number of

adults

will lead to a viable and successful

country

with a strong

economy

To conclude

, the number of young

people

in some nations over the old

people

is a good

phenomenon

and the advantages (strong

economy

) outweigh the advantages (lack of environment) in

this

essay.

Submitted by zakiahanafy1 on Fri Sep 27 2024

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task achievement

Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, in the body paragraphs, try to develop your ideas more fully and provide stronger supporting examples to enhance the clarity and relevance of your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next with clear logical connectors. This will make your essay more coherent and easier to follow.

introduction conclusion present

Good job on providing a clear introduction and conclusion. This helps to frame your essay and guide the reader through your argument.

task achievement

You have adequately addressed the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of having a large number of young adults compared to older people.

clear comprehensive ideas

Your essay shows potential with a balanced view on the topic. Keep practicing to improve the clarity and depth of your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

250 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Now-a-days many people choose to be self-employed, rather than work for a company. What could be the advantages and disadvantages of being self-employed?

In the modern world. it is no longer neccesary to use animals as food and in other products like clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening ? Do you think this is an appropriate use of governments money?

An increasing number of doctors and professors are leaving their poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does it cause and what are the solutions.