You came to know about a piece of equipment that would help you at your workplace. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter – describe the equipment – explain how it might be useful at your workplace – offer help in purchasing it

#piece #equipment #workplace #manager #offer

Dear Mike, I have noticed that our client businesses are inviting many of our colleagues on long business requirement gathering calls which is good for our business as clients are building more trust in our employees .

Although

, Sometimes it is quite tiring for our staff to take back-to-back calls from the desk. I have noticed colleagues raising

this

concern in office forums for the same. I want to propose an idea to shift office headset type from regular wired headsets to Bluetooth

headset

Fix the agreement mistake

headsets

show examples

. Regular wired headphones limit

users

Change noun form

users'

user's

show examples

mobility and leave you with no choice, but Bluetooth headphones give you a mobility advantage and employees can move around cubicles and go for coffee breaks without getting off business calls.

While

doing online comparisons among different Bluetooth headphones brands. We have identified Sony offers the best deals for corporate buying.

Additionally

, their device's user review mentions good connectivity and reliability when compared to other manufacturers. I would request you to check Sony's offering from their official website and I am looking forward to hearing from you. Yours sincerely, Sandeep

Submitted by sandeepniet17 on Tue May 21 2024

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task achievement

While the letter covers the key points required by the task, it could be enhanced by providing a more detailed description of the equipment and elaborating on its specific features.

coherence cohesion

To improve the logical structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and ideas flow smoothly from one to the next.

task achievement

The tone of the letter is appropriate for a formal business context, showing respect and professionalism.

coherence cohesion

The letter is structured with distinct paragraphs, each addressing a different aspect of the task.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

9 paragraphs

179 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

state-of-the-art
ergonomic
cost-effective
streamline processes
boost productivity
enhance efficiency
high-quality
integrate into our workflow
ROI (return on investment)
implement
facilitate
procurement

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You came to know about a piece of equipment that would help you at your workplace. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter – describe the equipment – explain how it might be useful at your workplace – offer help in purchasing it

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that professionals such as doctors and engineers should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both views and give your own answers.

some people think that using animals for experimentation purpose is cruel, but other people think that it is necessary for the development of science. Discuss both view and your opinion.

Do the benefits of genetic engineering outweigh the dangers? (Genetically Modified Organisms – GMOs)