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Band 6

ome people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#ome #people #university #education #work #society
he
Correct your spelling
The
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 topic of whether graduates should apply for a
university
 degree as an executive
education
 or they should commence working immediately has long been at the centre of discussion. I personally uphold the view that as diversified as our society is solely
people
 with certain professions should seek a
further
education
 like a
university
 degree. On the one hand, the complexity of some professions requires
people
 to undergo a long educational journey to be able to serve as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competent
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
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. To illustrate, doctors and scientists are obliged to climb the
hierarchial
Correct your spelling
hierarchical
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 ladder of
education
 starting from
bachelor's
Correct article usage
a bachelor's
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 to a
Ph.D.
Change the punctuation
PhD
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 degree consecutively if they ever dream about being a well-respected individual in their lives.
Furthermore
, studying in a
university
 is a basic human right and everyone can benefit from the knowledge that they might gain during the time spent in universities. Consequentially,
this
 will cause a surge in the
people
's
education
 index, increasing labour efficiency in countries.
On the other hand
,
although
 some
people
 prefer to carry their
education
 to a higher level by attending
university
 classes, others remain inactive and pursue a different career path that might be a good serve for society. Those exceptionally gifted
people
 usually choose a profession that does not require any educational affiliation at all and what matters is their talent.
For example
, entrepreneurs and investors are
one
Correct determiner usage
some
show examples
 of the most elite occupations that provide plentiful employment opportunities and huge monetary value for the communities.
In addition
 to that the majority of them are known to be school drop-outs rather than studying at the top-tier universities without any professional background. In conclusion,
although
 obtaining an extensive
university
education
 may contribute to the advancement of societies,
this
 may not hold true for certain exceptionally talented individuals who possess an inherent ability to create value.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction sets up the discussion effectively and that your conclusion recaps the main points and clearly states your opinion.
logical structure
Create a more logical progression of ideas by using paragraphing to separate main points and ensuring clear topic sentences for each.
supported main points
Support your main points with more detailed examples and explanations to demonstrate their relevance and impact.
complete response
Expand on your opinion by providing specific reasons for your view to fully address the task requirement of giving your own opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and expand your ideas to allow the reader to fully understand your arguments and their implications.
relevant specific examples
Provide concrete examples to back up your points and illustrate your argument more vividly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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