IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country they wish.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
people
Use synonyms
 argue about
wheter
Correct your spelling
whether
 or not professional
jobs
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
ductors
Correct your spelling
doctors
show examples
 and engineers are obligated to
work
Use synonyms
 in their training
country
Use synonyms
.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 some individuals believe that these
people
Use synonyms
 with
professioanl
Correct your spelling
professional
jobs
Use synonyms
 should
work
Use synonyms
 in their own
country
Use synonyms
 in return
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all of their training,
this
Linking Words
 essay believes that
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 in these fields should have their own right to choose their own workplace.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
proffesional
Correct your spelling
professional
jobs
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as doctors or engineers are often believed by many
people
Use synonyms
 that they have the need to contribute their service to the
country
Use synonyms
 where they
persued
Correct your spelling
pursued
show examples
 their degree and went training. As
this
Linking Words
 could be seen as a form of contribution to return the
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 to the
country
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of universities in Indonesia
offered
Wrong verb form
offer
show examples
 a scholarship for their students but
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in return, they need to
work
Use synonyms
 permanently in Indonesia.
However
Linking Words
, most of the workers who stayed in their
country
Use synonyms
recieved
Correct your spelling
received
 a very concerning number of income from the government.
That is
Linking Words
 why
this
Linking Words
 essay stands with the
people
Use synonyms
 who agree that
proffesion
Correct your spelling
profession
professions
such
Linking Words
 as doctors and engineers should have their own right to choose another
country
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
Change preposition
in, because
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it gives them more
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
 and
wide
Correct article usage
a wide
show examples
 range of salaries, which will give them the feeling of satisfaction and freedom.
For instance
Linking Words
,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
recent research shows that Asian
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 as doctors that
work
Use synonyms
 in another
country
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 higher
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
show examples
 than the ones who
work
Use synonyms
 in their own
country
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it is believed that
proffesional
Correct your spelling
professional
jobs
Use synonyms
 should
work
Use synonyms
 in the
country
Use synonyms
 where they did their training. But, it is not very profitable for them and
this
Linking Words
 is why they must have the freedom to choose which
country
Use synonyms
 they want to
work
Use synonyms
 in.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors. For instance, 'proof' should be spelled as 'proof,' 'ductors' should be spelled as 'doctors,' and 'proffesion' should be spelled as 'profession.'
coherence cohesion
Work on creating more fluid transitions between ideas to help the reader better follow your argument. This will improve the overall flow of your essay and enhance the clarity of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the Indonesian scholarship program and the comparison of income between local and international jobs for professionals.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: