IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Increasingly, many young people are deciding to work or study in other countries. What are the causes of this phenomenon? Do you think it is a positive or negative situation?

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The topic under discussion is nowadays it has become
a
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apply
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commonplace for the youth to study and work overseas
instead
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 of in their own
country
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.
This
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 ‘brain drain’ phenomenon has
gaining
Wrong verb form
gained
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 popularity as compared to how it was, before.
This
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 essay will explore
about
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apply
show examples
various reasons behind the phenomenon and the implications to individuals
as well as
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 the nation. First and foremost,
people
Use synonyms
 opted to study and work abroad to gain invaluable experience and transcend their knowledge. To explain
this
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, undergraduates are expecting a place where they can hone their skills and acquire
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
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 upgraded knowledge.
As
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For
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for example
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, in science and technology, more developed countries
such
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 as Australia,
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 States and
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 Kingdom are countries of choice where
people
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 choose to migrate
due to
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 the availability of the resources in
this
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 area. Turning to the next point, the youth is
also
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 looking forward
a
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to a
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better salary overseas.
This
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 can be attributed to the rise of inflation worldwide.
Hence
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, one can barely survive the minimal wages for daily expenses in their own
country
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.
Therefore
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,
difference
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the difference
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 in currency justified their choice of residing not in their
country
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 of origin.
Next,
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studying or working abroad has its own advantages and setbacks. Ultimately it can be a
career saving
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career-saving
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 decision
of
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for
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an individuals
Correct the article-noun agreement
individuals
an individual
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 to foster
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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career growth.
People
Use synonyms
 can upscale their skills with available resources abroad.
Consequently
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, it is
also
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 a loss to a
country
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. To produce an expert in a field, a long and tedious process is involved
together with
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 financial investments. Losing experts will mean the need to import professionals from other countries and
this
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 is not cheap. In conclusion, the reasons involved
in
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apply
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people
Use synonyms
migrated
Wrong verb form
migrating
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 overbroad be it to study or for
employment’s
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employment
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purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
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 include upskilling and knowledge reinforcement and for better income.
Positive
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The positive
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 effect for
individual
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an individual
the individual
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 is positive career growth
while
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negative
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the negative
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 effect
of
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on
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Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
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 is
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
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 of experts
in
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particular
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a particular
the particular
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 field. Raising incomes, increasing employment and entrepreneurship are
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 solutions that the government may need to consider.

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task achievement
Try to refine your introduction. While the topic is clear, the wording could be more precise and less colloquial.
coherence and cohesion
Work on enhancing the transitions between paragraphs. While they are present, they can be smoother to make the essay more fluid.
task achievement
Consider detailing your examples more thoroughly. Make sure they are connected directly to the main points and clarify them further.
task achievement
The essay introduces the topic well and sets the stage for the discussion to follow.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by examining both the positive and negative aspects of the phenomenon.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion is effective in summarizing the points discussed and offering potential solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Interconnected
  • Higher education
  • Prestigious institutions
  • Research facilities
  • Career advancement
  • International experience
  • Resume
  • Cultural exchange
  • Immerse
  • Broaden worldviews
  • Economic factors
  • Unemployment
  • Quality of life
  • Standards of living
  • Healthcare
What to do next:
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