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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

today people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Advertisements
Use synonyms
 are cosmopolitan and we are all influenced by them as well. There is a split opinion on whether adverts have a negative effect or not. Personally, I agree with
this
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 statement, the following write-ups will explain my preference.
To begin
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 with, we know that aggressive marketing has created fake trends.
People
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 are now more focused on external things. Expensive brands
such
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 as Supreme, Armani, and Louis Vuitton advertise their products in
such
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 a way that the mindset of
people
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 is completely brainwashed.
According to
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 an economist,
people
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 are spending a whopping 15% more on these items and the culprit behind all
this
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 is
advertisements
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.
Moreover
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,
advertisements
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also
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 affect our decision-making even when choosing a leader for ourselves. It is true that we are likely to cast a vote for a person whom all of us see constantly on television, cell phones, and billboards.
This
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 strategic planning is done in
such
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 a way that
this
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 eventually washes away all the wrongdoings of
such
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people
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.
Hence
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, the poll results are highly regulated by these ads. On the flip side, it cannot be disregarded that
advertisements
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 keep us well aware of our surroundings. We would be isolated if we were shown these ads; at times these help us to choose the correct option for us. In some scenarios, if
people
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 do not know the choices available to everyone, they are likely to become a victim of scams performed by fraudulent
people
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.
To sum up
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, I would put forth there are many negative effects of advertisement and they are regulating our mindsets and
thus
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 must be controlled.

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coherence cohesion
Great introduction and conclusion. You have clearly outlined your essay from beginning to end.
task achievement
The essay points were well supported, but work on providing more specific details in your examples. This will improve the quality of your task fulfillment.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is good, but some links between your ideas could be clearer. Consider using cohesive devices to make a more seamless argument.
task achievement
Good response to the task, covering all points with a clear position. However, to reach a higher band, consider exploring counterarguments in more depth.
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