IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

#people #money #tax
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A portion of
populace
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the populace
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 believes that they should save all the pennies they have earned from their hard work
instead
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 of paying taxes to the government, and some say
otherwise
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. I agree with both perspectives. As
that is
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 the case, I will elaborate on why it is important,
as well as
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 why some
people
Use synonyms
 disagree with the system,with evidence for each claim.
To begin
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 with, I agree with
this
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 approach because the money is likely to be used as a fund for our public amenities:
highway
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highways
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,train stations and many more.The construction of it
require
Change the verb form
requires
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 a big sum of money.
For instance
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, the construction of Mass Rapid Transit(MRT) has linked main malls and tourist attractions in Malaysia, it easier for the taxpayer to commute from one place to another.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 are in love with the ambience and facilities there
As a result
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,it
also
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 provides
High
Correct article usage
a High
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 Return
of
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on
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 Investment to the government. In short, taxes will be used as a fund for public services that will
be bringing
Wrong verb form
bring
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 great
return
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returns
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 in the following years.
On the contrary
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, the reason why a small proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 are against
this
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 is
due to
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tax
Use synonyms
 fairness.In light of
this
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,they think the wealthy and large corporations are exploiting their revenue to avoid paying too much.Doing
this
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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 only benefits the rich and widens inequality in the community. As they are the privileged ones, they should pay a higher percentage than lower earners. To illustrate,
Ikhwan
Correct article usage
the Ikhwan
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 Group has been the talk of the town
among
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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population about the recent investigations and how they have avoided paying taxes for many years.Because of
this
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,
people
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 have
doubt
Change the verb form
doubted
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 the authority's credibility.
To sum up
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,
tax
Use synonyms
 equity is probably the rationale why
people
Use synonyms
 oppose
Use synonyms
tax
Correct article usage
the tax
show examples
 system. In conclusion,
while
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 disagree with the fairness of the system,
this
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 approach has
overall
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 played a crucial role in developing
country's
Correct article usage
a country's
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infrastructures
Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
 it is evident that we have to pay
Use synonyms
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
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 to the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
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 to improve our public services ,even if it
have
Verb problem
causes
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 some injustice to certain
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
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 of
population
Add an article
the population
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.After a thorough analysis of
this
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 topic, taxpayers can voice their
concern
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concerns
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 through petitions so that the
upper-class
Correct your spelling
upper class
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 can
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 fair share.
Submitted by alisyashazzy on

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coherence cohesion
Try to avoid run-on sentences and ensure each sentence conveys one complete idea. For example, the sentence in the second paragraph discussing MRT and public amenities could be clearer if separated into two distinct sentences.
coherence cohesion
Some parts of the argument could be more clearly articulated. For instance, the transition between explaining the benefits of taxes and the inequality in tax fairness could be smoother.
task achievement
Ensure all your points are consistently developed. Some ideas, like the positive impacts of taxes, could be expanded with more nuanced reasoning beyond just infrastructure development.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a coherent structure.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexity of the topic.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the MRT development and Ikhwan Group, are used well to support the main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • contribute
  • welfare
  • public services
  • progressive taxation
  • distribution of wealth
  • civic duty
  • social cohesion
  • tax evasion
  • economic disparities
  • social unrest
  • individual rights
  • societal responsibilities
What to do next:
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