IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

People believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

#people #money #tax
A portion of
populace
Add an article
the populace
show examples
 believes that they should save all the pennies they have earned from their hard work
instead
 of paying taxes to the government, and some say
otherwise
. I agree with both perspectives. As
that is
 the case, I will elaborate on why it is important,
as well as
 why some
people
 disagree with the system,with evidence for each claim.
To begin
 with, I agree with
this
 approach because the money is likely to be used as a fund for our public amenities:
highway
Fix the agreement mistake
highways
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,train stations and many more.The construction of it
require
Change the verb form
requires
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 a big sum of money.
For instance
, the construction of Mass Rapid Transit(MRT) has linked main malls and tourist attractions in Malaysia, it easier for the taxpayer to commute from one place to another.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of
people
 are in love with the ambience and facilities there
As a result
,it
also
 provides
High
Correct article usage
a High
show examples
 Return
of
Change preposition
on
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 Investment to the government. In short, taxes will be used as a fund for public services that will
be bringing
Wrong verb form
bring
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 great
return
Fix the agreement mistake
returns
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 in the following years.
On the contrary
, the reason why a small proportion of
people
 are against
this
 is
due to
tax
 fairness.In light of
this
,they think the wealthy and large corporations are exploiting their revenue to avoid paying too much.Doing
this
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 only benefits the rich and widens inequality in the community. As they are the privileged ones, they should pay a higher percentage than lower earners. To illustrate,
Ikhwan
Correct article usage
the Ikhwan
show examples
 Group has been the talk of the town
among
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
population about the recent investigations and how they have avoided paying taxes for many years.Because of
this
,
people
 have
doubt
Change the verb form
doubted
show examples
 the authority's credibility.
To sum up
,
tax
 equity is probably the rationale why
people
 oppose
tax
Correct article usage
the tax
show examples
 system. In conclusion,
while
 some
people
 disagree with the fairness of the system,
this
 approach has
overall
 played a crucial role in developing
country's
Correct article usage
a country's
show examples
infrastructures
Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
show examples
.
Therefore
 it is evident that we have to pay
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 to the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 to improve our public services ,even if it
have
Verb problem
causes
show examples
 some injustice to certain
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
.After a thorough analysis of
this
 topic, taxpayers can voice their
concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
show examples
 through petitions so that the
upper-class
Correct your spelling
upper class
show examples
 can
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 fair share.
Submitted by alisyashazzy on

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coherence cohesion
Try to avoid run-on sentences and ensure each sentence conveys one complete idea. For example, the sentence in the second paragraph discussing MRT and public amenities could be clearer if separated into two distinct sentences.
coherence cohesion
Some parts of the argument could be more clearly articulated. For instance, the transition between explaining the benefits of taxes and the inequality in tax fairness could be smoother.
task achievement
Ensure all your points are consistently developed. Some ideas, like the positive impacts of taxes, could be expanded with more nuanced reasoning beyond just infrastructure development.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a coherent structure.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexity of the topic.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the MRT development and Ikhwan Group, are used well to support the main points.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • contribute
  • welfare
  • public services
  • progressive taxation
  • distribution of wealth
  • civic duty
  • social cohesion
  • tax evasion
  • economic disparities
  • social unrest
  • individual rights
  • societal responsibilities
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