More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #foods

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Some

people

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believe that increasing the

price

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of junk

food

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can prevent obesity. I completely disagree with

this

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view because wealthy

people

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can still afford

this

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and it is better to provide education to

people

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about their health. Increasing the

price

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of unhealthy

food

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will not work because wealthy

people

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can still buy it and gain weight.

People

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who are extremely wealthy, especially doctors, lawyers and engineers, make very high salaries, and they can afford any

food

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they want, including pricey snacks. Plus, wealthier

people

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can share

this

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food

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at parties with their

neighbors

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neighbours

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, friends and family, which will give even more

people

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access to

this

Linking Words

food

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For example

Linking Words

, my father is a wealthy business owner and is not deterred by the

price

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of any

food

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. He spends money on lobster, seafood, steak and other expensive menu items at fancy restaurants; as

such

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, he could easily buy expensive fattening

food

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. Raising the prices of unhealthy

food

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also

Linking Words

ineffective because it is better to educate

people

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about healthier options

instead

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. I would recommend educating students in primary school;

therefore

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, they can make healthier choices, like fruits and vegetables.

In addition

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, adults can be educated in community programs by professionals designated

from

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show examples

the government. In my personal experience, in Spain, we have different programs to teach individuals about the difference between healthy and unhealthy products and how they can modify their diets and make better decisions in the right direction.

As a result

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, Spain has a much lower rate of obesity than countries like the United States. In conclusion, I completely disagree that increasing the

price

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of fattening foods will solve obesity because wealthy

people

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can still afford them and health classes are more effective.

Submitted by jessica.pastor.87 on Wed Oct 02 2024

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task achievement

Ensure there is a clear balance between counterarguments and your viewpoint. While you have supported your stance well, briefly acknowledging the opposing viewpoint could have strengthened your essay overall.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a strong logical structure. To enhance it further, consider using a few more linking words and phrases that connect your ideas more fluidly, ensuring an even smoother transition between paragraphs.

task achievement

You provided clear and comprehensive ideas that are thoroughly elaborated, fulfilling the requirements of the task effectively.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in presenting your argument coherently.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

284 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
overweight
fattening foods
calorie-dense
healthier food choices
taxation
economic implications
social implications
subsidies
nutritional education
public health campaigns
nanny state
individual's right
consumer behavior
preventative measures

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