More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
believe that increasing the
price
of junk
food
can prevent obesity. I completely disagree with
this
view because wealthy
people
can still afford
this
and it is better to provide education to
people
about their health. Increasing the
price
of unhealthy
food
will not work because wealthy
people
can still buy it and gain weight.
People
who are extremely wealthy, especially doctors, lawyers and engineers, make very high salaries, and they can afford any
food
they want, including pricey snacks. Plus, wealthier
people
can share
this
food
at parties with their
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
, friends and family, which will give even more
people
access to
this
food
.
For example
, my father is a wealthy business owner and is not deterred by the
price
of any
food
. He spends money on lobster, seafood, steak and other expensive menu items at fancy restaurants; as
such
, he could easily buy expensive fattening
food
. Raising the prices of unhealthy
food
is
also
ineffective because it is better to educate
people
about healthier options
instead
. I would recommend educating students in primary school;
therefore
, they can make healthier choices, like fruits and vegetables.
In addition
, adults can be educated in community programs by professionals designated
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
the government. In my personal experience, in Spain, we have different programs to teach individuals about the difference between healthy and unhealthy products and how they can modify their diets and make better decisions in the right direction.
As a result
, Spain has a much lower rate of obesity than countries like the United States. In conclusion, I completely disagree that increasing the
price
of fattening foods will solve obesity because wealthy
people
can still afford them and health classes are more effective.
Submitted by jessica.pastor.87 on

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task achievement
Ensure there is a clear balance between counterarguments and your viewpoint. While you have supported your stance well, briefly acknowledging the opposing viewpoint could have strengthened your essay overall.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong logical structure. To enhance it further, consider using a few more linking words and phrases that connect your ideas more fluidly, ensuring an even smoother transition between paragraphs.
task achievement
You provided clear and comprehensive ideas that are thoroughly elaborated, fulfilling the requirements of the task effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in presenting your argument coherently.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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