More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think a solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some
people
believe that increasing the price
of junk food
can prevent obesity. I completely disagree with this
view because wealthy people
can still afford this
and it is better to provide education to people
about their health.
Increasing the price
of unhealthy food
will not work because wealthy people
can still buy it and gain weight. People
who are extremely wealthy, especially doctors, lawyers and engineers, make very high salaries, and they can afford any food
they want, including pricey snacks. Plus, wealthier people
can share this
food
at parties with their neighbors
, friends and family, which will give even more Change the spelling
neighbours
people
access to this
food
. For example
, my father is a wealthy business owner and is not deterred by the price
of any food
. He spends money on lobster, seafood, steak and other expensive menu items at fancy restaurants; as such
, he could easily buy expensive fattening food
.
Raising the prices of unhealthy food
is also
ineffective because it is better to educate people
about healthier options instead
. I would recommend educating students in primary school; therefore
, they can make healthier choices, like fruits and vegetables. In addition
, adults can be educated in community programs by professionals designated from
the government. In my personal experience, in Spain, we have different programs to teach individuals about the difference between healthy and unhealthy products and how they can modify their diets and make better decisions in the right direction. Change preposition
by
As a result
, Spain has a much lower rate of obesity than countries like the United States.
In conclusion, I completely disagree that increasing the price
of fattening foods will solve obesity because wealthy people
can still afford them and health classes are more effective.Submitted by jessica.pastor.87 on
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task achievement
Ensure there is a clear balance between counterarguments and your viewpoint. While you have supported your stance well, briefly acknowledging the opposing viewpoint could have strengthened your essay overall.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong logical structure. To enhance it further, consider using a few more linking words and phrases that connect your ideas more fluidly, ensuring an even smoother transition between paragraphs.
task achievement
You provided clear and comprehensive ideas that are thoroughly elaborated, fulfilling the requirements of the task effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in presenting your argument coherently.