IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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It is controversial whether illegalising to exclude certain applicants on the basis of their
age
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 is a positive or negative development. In my view,
this
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 is a progressive change. In
this
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 essay, I will support my thoughts and make a suggestion
at the end
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. On the one hand, it is reasonable that some employers prefer certain
age
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 groups. To be specific, some jobs can be unsuitable for old
people
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 or young
people
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.
For example
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, for construction jobs that require heavy lifting all day, young and healthy men would be a better fit than older
people
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.
Similarly
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, young individuals might not be prioritised for a director position if it requires many years of experience.
On the other hand
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, there is a different opinion that believes a ban on excluding young or old
people
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 from hiring is positive. The main reason is that employers can discourage a person's potential.
For instance
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, young
people
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 can be quick learners and competent.
Also
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, old
people
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 can contribute to a company by giving innovative perspectives. If a company fail to consider these factors, not only they will lose their potential asset, but they will limit an individual's full potential as well. Another reason is that rejection on the basis of
age
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 is a type of discrimination
along with
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 sexism and racism. Despite the equal human right to work, if an employer skips an applicant
due to
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 their
age
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 or other factors regardless of their competence, it will lead to a toxic culture in the industry and affect some
people
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's well-being.
In addition
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, their decisions will reinforce the wrong stereotypes of young or old members of society. In conclusion,
Although
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 a few industries favour a particular
age
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 group
due to
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 the requirements of the position, I believe excluding these workers can affect many individuals and their companies in a negative way.
Moreover
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, more countries should implement a prohibition on
age
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 discrimination in the workplace to protect everyone's fair right to work.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response and offers a conclusion that aligns with the arguments made, signifying a well-rounded discussion which meets the requirements of a good task response. To improve, ensure that each point is equally developed with pertinent examples and that the conclusion succinctly encapsulates all main ideas presented.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure that is easy to follow, with an introduction and conclusion that are clear and present. However, some main points could be better supported and expanded upon with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen the coherence of the argument. Furthermore, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age discrimination
  • inclusive workplace
  • workplace diversity
  • workforce experience
  • equality in hiring
  • age-related stereotypes
  • demographic changes
  • economic growth
  • social security systems
  • consumer spending
  • non-discriminatory policies
  • bias
  • fair practices
  • retirement age
  • intergenerational collaboration
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