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Band 5

In some countries, there are not enough medical or educational facilities in rural ares. Therefore, some people believe newly graduated teachers and doctors should be sent to work in rural area for sometime. Other people think that people should be free to choose where they work after graduation. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#countries #facilities #ares #people #teachers #doctors #work #area #graduation
Some people think that teachers and doctors should
send
Wrong verb form
be sent
show examples
 to rural
areas
 to
work
 for
sometime
Replace the word
some time
show examples
 to increase the medical and educational
facilities
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 these
areas
.
However
, others believe that these
professionals
 should have
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
right
 to choose where they will
work
 after
graduation
. I personally believe that
while
 rural
areas
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
medical and educational support, each professional has
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
right
 to
work
 where they like. Rural
areas
 have a lack of educational and medical support because many
professionals
 after
graduation
 do not want to
work
 here. In urban
areas
, there are a lot of
facilities
such
 as education, employment, and entertainment are available, which are not available in rural
areas
.
Therefore
, after
graduation
Add a comma
graduation,
show examples
 many
professionals
 do not want to move to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
areas
.
As a result
, rural
areas
 cannot be developed. If the newly graduated
professionals
 invest their skills, knowledge and experience in rural
areas
, it will be beneficial for people from rural
areas
.
For example
, in
Bangladesh
Add a comma
Bangladesh,
show examples
 many doctors from the public service have their postings in rural
areas
, which help to increase the health
facilities
 of rural
areas
.
However
, I personally believe that
professionals
 should have their own rights to decide their workplace.
Professionals
 invest their valuable time and effort
achieving
Change preposition
in achieving
show examples
 education and experience,
therefore
, they have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to choose where they will
work
 after
graduation
. They should have that
right
 where and how long they will
work
. If they do not have that
right
 to choose their workplace after
graduation
, and if they are not provided with
facilities
, it will affect their
perfomances
Correct your spelling
performance
performances
 at
work
. It will result in dissatisfaction and
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in their minds.
For example
, in India, in 2019, primary school teachers were ordered to
work
 in rural
areas
, and around 78% of them expressed their dissatisfaction regarding their professions.
Therefore
, I believe that
professionals
 should decide their workplace.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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supported main points
Ensure that each main point is well-supported with clear explanations and relevant examples.
introduction conclusion present
Add a strong conclusion that encapsulates your main arguments and reinforces your opinion.
relevant specific examples
Include more direct examples and evidence to back up your main points.
introduction conclusion present
Effectively introduces the topic and outlines the two contrasting views.
logical structure
Maintains logical progression of ideas with cohesive transitions between paragraphs.
complete response
Covers the main aspects of the issue and provides a well-rounded response.
clear comprehensive ideas
Each paragraph has a clear main point that is explained quite well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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