IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, many people are likely to over use internet and some of them even become addicted to it. What are reason for this? What problem can be cause by internet over use?

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In recent years. Many
people
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 are prone to overusing the
internet
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. and some of the
people
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 become addicted to it.
This
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 essay will discuss the primary problems and the causes of
this
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 issue. It is obvious that interest has become the most important thing in our lives. And we depend on it for our basic needs. We connect with each other through social media.
Also
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, most of our jobs and studies need the
internet
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.
For example
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, if you were a student at Yale University, you would be required to do research.
Therefore
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, you will use the
internet
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 to access the information you need.
Moreover
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, you can read
news
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the news
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 or watch movies for entertainment.
Hence
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, the net is fundamental in our daily routine.
However
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, some
people
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 are most likely to become addicted to their devices. Because they want to ignore reality and escape to the virtual world. And that can have many effects on the individual. It can cause isolation and depression.
Also
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, it can damage your physical health. For sitting too much. It can cause obesity.
Furthermore
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, it can affect society as a whole. And divide society.
For instance
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, a study had been conducted in Japan 10 years ago. About how much the
internet
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 has changed
people
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's mental health. And it showed that 72% of
people
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 suffered from anxiety
due to
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 overusing the net. In conclusion, the
internet
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 is crucial in our lives.
But
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However
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 it is a major issue that can impact
people
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's health in many ways.
Such
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 as addiction or physical illness like obesity

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task achievement
Consider expanding your explanations and examples. This will provide a more comprehensive understanding of the points you are making. For instance, when you mention students using the internet for research, you could further elaborate on how this might lead to overuse.
coherence cohesion
Improve the clarity of your essay by ensuring the sentences are well-structured and thoughts are clearly expressed. Re-examine sentences like "However, some people are most likely to become addicted to their devices. Because they want to ignore reality..." for smoother readability.
task achievement
Incorporate more concrete examples or statistical evidence to support your arguments. This will add depth to your points regarding internet addiction and its consequences.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a nice frame for your discussion.
task achievement
You have identified relevant reasons for internet addiction and its potential problems, showcasing an understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Endless source of information
  • Disconnect
  • Capture and retain users' attention
  • Excessive usage
  • Immersive and competitive nature
  • Prolonged periods of play
  • Real-world activities
  • Remote work
  • Blur the lines
  • Mental health issues
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Social isolation
  • Neglect
  • Screen time
  • Lack of physical activity
  • Eye strain
  • Poor posture
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Procrastinate
  • Distracted easily
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