IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Due to poorer countries experiecing a 'brain drain' they are seeing many professionals, such as doctors and teachers, leaving to work in more developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can be suggested to deal with these situations?

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In recent times working has been an essential thing in our lives. There are many professionals
such
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 as doctors and teachers prefer to move to developed
countries
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 for many reasons. I think that personal and financial reasons are the main causes of moving to more developed
countries
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.
This
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 essay will outline these two causes followed by the best solution to reduce
this
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 issue.
To begin
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,the standard of living plays a vital role in leaving to work in advanced
countries
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. One of the first problems of leaving for more developed
countries
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 is that people are empowered to find more comfortable houses and various shops.
For example
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, my uncle who works as a teacher moved to Muscat as he wants their children to have the best education in a private school and enjoy their time in different gardens which are not available in developing
countries
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.Another
problem
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 that needs to be considered is that developed
countries
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 may offer higher salaries for employees. There are a lot of opportunities for the worker to find part-time jobs.
For instance
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, the result of conducted research at Glasgow University illustrates that 90% of workers moved to developed
countries
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due to
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 part-time jobs.
As a result
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 ,
this
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 can lead to increase their income in their life. To address
this
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problem
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, the government should aware people of the negative impacts of leaving to work in more developed
countries
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. A good example here is the scholarship. If the government teach workers about the negative impacts , potentially they will think about helping people in developing
countries
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. Another possible solution to
this
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problem
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 would be, the government should look for the priority to offer more services in developed
countries
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 to encourage doctors to stay in developing
countries
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. In conclusion, both high salaries and more entertainment places are the major reasons for
this
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problem
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.
Therefore
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, professionals should stop the idea of moving to a developed country and try to do their best in every place.

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coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by ensuring clear transitions between points. Use linking words and phrases to enhance flow.
task achievement
Outline each cause and solution in separate paragraphs with topic sentences to clarify your argument.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and ensure each paragraph has a unique contribution to the argument.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, such as the uncle's experience and Glasgow University's research findings, to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main problems and solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Brain drain
  • Developed countries
  • Underdeveloped nations
  • Economic growth
  • Healthcare services
  • Mortality rates
  • Educational quality
  • Social inequality
  • Human capital
  • Workforce migration
  • Talent retention
  • Policy reform
  • Incentive programs
  • Capacity building
  • Professional opportunities
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