IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

#people #sites #facebook #impact #individuals #society
Numerous individuals consider that social networking sites—
such
 as Facebook, Ig, and X—cause immense adverse impacts on both people and society. I generally disagree with
this
 opinion and think that it has a positive impact in terms of socializing.
However
, it is significant to consider
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 impacts of social networking. On the one hand, social
media
 networks prefer crucial
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
socializing,
such
 as keeping in touch with friends and
families
.
For instance
, rural individuals come to the capital city to work, so they can not meet and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
can not have a conversation with their
families
.
Therefore
,
this
 issue can be solved by social
media
 networks. Social networking sites allow them to contact their
families
 even though they do not live with their
families
.
Moreover
, it helps us to catch up
news
Change preposition
on news
show examples
.
For instance
, we can not realize how everything is going, but social
media
 will improve us.
On the other hand
, online communities have negative impacts,
such
 as privacy
concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
show examples
 and isolation. Individuals can easily see our lifestyles on social
media
 platforms. If we do something that inappropriate, it will lead to anxiety and panic disorder.
For instance
, some actors may do something incorrect, so people on the internet curse them.
This
 can lead to mental health issues,
such
 as anxiety, panic disorder, and so on.
In addition
, spending time on social networking can cause isolation. Normally, people will stay in their own rooms and not hang out with friends, so
this
 can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to negative social skills.
Overall
,
while
 social
media
 network has its benefits, the drawbacks must not be overlooked.
Submitted by Tiger23 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, work on ensuring a more logical progression of ideas within each paragraph. Consider beginning with a clear topic sentence and logically developing the point.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction effectively presents the topic, but it could be more concise. Make sure your main argument is clearly stated in the introduction.
Task Achievement
Strive for greater clarity by providing more detailed explanations for your points. This will make your argumentation more convincing.
Task Achievement
Make sure to address the topic more consistently throughout the essay. Directly linking back to the main question in each paragraph's main point can strengthen your task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay effectively introduces and concludes the topic, providing a clear overview of your stance.
Task Achievement
Good use of examples to support the main points, such as mentioning rural individuals' communication challenges and privacy issues faced by public figures.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • face-to-face
  • interactions
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • misinformation
  • polarize
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • procrastination
  • productivity
  • social isolation
  • dissemination
  • breeding ground
  • vast amounts
  • personal information
  • mental health
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