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Band 6

Some people think that physical strength is more important fi for success in sport, while others think that mental strength is mort important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion .

#people #strength #fi #success #sport #mort
In
this
 modern era, some people argue that being physically strong is the highest priority for conquering any kind of sport. Contradictory, others argue that the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 priority in a
sports
match
 is having a strong mentality. Both of these views are proven scientifically.
However
, in my personal opinion, I prefer focusing on mental
strength
 to win a
sports
match
 rather than physical
strength
. Some people consider physical
strength
due to
 the nature of
sports
. Most
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 games require more than physically fit for the player. Take an example of a badminton
match
. The field standard
that is
 used for a
match
 is spacious for one or two
players
 on one side. They require strong feet and hands to catch the shuttlecock
while
 running, jumping, and passing the shuttlecock. The
players
 need intensive physical training before the
match
.
In contrast
, others believe that mental
strength
 is the most important one since mental state affects a player’s performance during the
match
. Aside from intensive physical training,
players
also
 undergo intensive coaching to set
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
 and build confidence.
Many
Change preposition
In many
show examples
 cases in
sports
 matches, the
players
 are exhausted physically at crucial times.
However
, with a clear goal in their minds and
stick
Wrong verb form
sticking
show examples
 to it, they can finish the
match
 successfully amidst the physical blockers.
To conclude
, in the context of
sports
, a player is required to prepare both physically and mentally. Both of these aspects are important.
However
, I believe the mental aspect is more required since a person’s state of mind determines how far he can endure and solve the crisis amidst his physical blockers.
Submitted by astarindri on

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task achievement
Consider providing more balanced views on both sides of the argument to enhance the strength of your discussion.
task achievement
Ensure your examples are detailed enough to support your points clearly, like elaborating more on the mental strength examples.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next to improve coherence.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the issue and presents both sides of the argument, which is crucial for setting up the discussion.
logical structure
The essay has a logical structure with separate paragraphs discussing physical and mental strengths in sports.
introduction conclusion present
Concluding paragraph effectively reiterates the main point and the writer's stance on the matter.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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