IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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The issue of whether an ageing
population
Use synonyms
 brings more benefits or challenges has been widely debated in recent years.
While
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 I acknowledge that it may increase pressure on the government, I believe that having more elderly
people
Use synonyms
 is beneficial to society. There are several reasons why some
people
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 believe an ageing
population
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 could have negative impacts.
Firstly
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, it may significantly increase government expenditures on pensions and healthcare, diverting funds from other social initiatives. Since elderly individuals are more prone to illness
due to
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 declining physical health, an increase in their numbers could strain healthcare systems.
Additionally
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, a growing elderly
population
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 may reduce the proportion of young
people
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 in the workforce, leading to a smaller
labor
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labour
show examples
 pool and potentially lower wages as workers face heavier workloads. In turn,
this
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 could diminish workplace innovation and reduce the speed of national development.
However
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, I would argue that an increasing number of elderly
people
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 provides valuable opportunities for them to give back to society. One primary benefit is that older individuals can help preserve a country’s morals and values by sharing their rich experiences, as they are often deeply familiar with cultural traditions.
For example
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, many retired professionals contribute to society by imparting knowledge of intangible cultural heritage.
Additionally
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, an ageing
population
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 encourages the growth of the nursing and healthcare industries, creating more job opportunities in areas
such
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 as medicine and medical devices,
thus
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 supporting the economy. In conclusion,
although
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 an ageing
population
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 may add some financial burden on the government, I believe that elderly individuals play an important role in preserving national culture and contributing to the growth of relevant industries.

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task achievement
Ensure to discuss both the advantages and disadvantages evenly to provide a more balanced essay, as this is expected when asked 'to what extent.'
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider further using linking words and phrases to ensure a smooth transition between the pros and cons of an ageing society, strengthening the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong and clear introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize the main ideas.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported with logical arguments, balancing both views before reaching a conclusion.
task achievement
The inclusion of specific examples, such as how elderly individuals contribute to cultural heritage, enriches the response, offering depth and substance.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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