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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #numbers #participants #activities #centre #melbourne #australia #period #summarise #features #comparisons
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The line graph illustrates the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
participants
Use synonyms
joined
Correct pronoun usage
who joined
show examples
 in five different activities at a particular social centre in Melbourne over the 20-year period.
It is clear that
Linking Words
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
club
Use synonyms
 had by far the highest amount of people
participated
Wrong verb form
participating
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 2000 and 2020. We can
also
Linking Words
 notice that the only activity that
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
 a severe decline was
amateur
Use synonyms
dramatics
Use synonyms
. In 2020,
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
club
Use synonyms
 had 64
participants
Use synonyms
, which was largely higher than other counterparts, followed by
martial
Correct article usage
the martial
show examples
 arts course with 38
members
Use synonyms
,
amateur
Use synonyms
dramatics
Use synonyms
 with 27
members
Use synonyms
, and
table
Correct article usage
the table
show examples
 tennis
club
Use synonyms
 with approximately 28
members
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, no
participants
Use synonyms
 took part in musical performances in 2020. By 2010, there was a slight decrease in the
members
Use synonyms
 of
Correct article usage
the flim
show examples
flim
Correct your spelling
film
club
Use synonyms
, but it still remained the highest figure.
While
Linking Words
 martial arts and musical performances saw a significant growth, to 39 and 11
members
Use synonyms
 respectively,
amateur
Use synonyms
dramatics
Use synonyms
 and table tennis came across the same amount, with 20 of the
participants
Use synonyms
joined
Wrong verb form
joining
show examples
 the clubs. In 2020, film
club
Use synonyms
, table
tennism
Correct your spelling
tennis
 and musical performances reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their peaks, with 65, 52, and 19 people counted in the memberships.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
amateur
Use synonyms
dramatics
Use synonyms
 underwent a drastic drop to just under 10
participants
Use synonyms
.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words participants, club, amateur, dramatics, members with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
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