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Band 7

Some people think that secondary school should add international news as a subject; others think that it is a waste of valuable time. Discuss both views.

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Other people believe that the secondary level of education should have an additional subject
that is
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 international
news
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,
while
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 others think it is just a complete waste of
time
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. In
this
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 essay I will discuss both viewpoints; the benefits and drawbacks of including international
news
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 as a new subject. On one hand, the advantage of having an additional lesson like international
news
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 can help students to be well-equipped for globalization.
Furthermore
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, the learners' knowledge may expand in the field of language and economy.
For example
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, during foreign exchange student programs, it will not be hard for a pupil to interact with and study the designated destination.
For example
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, the language is honed by a student through exposure to Chinese articles.
However
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, the program will only be beneficial to foreign exchange and well-traveled students.
On the other hand
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, having another class means another investment of resources, teachers, and modules.
Additionally
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,
time
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 is the most expensive currency from the learners' perspective. There are other things a scholar may spend their
time
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such
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 as being involved in physical activities and mental health education, which is more impactful to have a normal study-life balance.
Thus
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, from the learner's perspective, it is not necessary and practical at the moment.
However
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, if the benefit outweighs the negative outcomes,
therefore
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 it must be implemented. But for now, its advantages are just mere on a superficial level and it needs
further
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 reviews from the regulating body. The students have too much on their plate to balance
such
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 as academic and extra-curricular activities and having international
news
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 as a new subject will result
to
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in
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 information overload. In conclusion, international
news
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 can be beneficial yet there are more topics that need to be incorporated into the curriculum. On a positive note, a good language skill set will be improved yet, its drawbacks
such
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 as expenses and
time
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 weigh more importance.

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task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to strengthen your argument, particularly in the second body paragraph, where examples of alternative valuable activities outside academics could be explored further to make your point more convincing.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are clear, ensure that each paragraph maintains focus on its specific theme or idea throughout. Avoid jumping to conclusions within a paragraph.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively sets the stage for discussion and wraps up the arguments.
task achievement
You have presented both views on the topic effectively, capturing the essence of the debate about including international news in the curriculum.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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