Some governments spend a lot of public money training individuals to be successful in international sporting events. Some people believe that this money should be spent on things that will benefit the general public instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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There is no denying the fact that some
people
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think the
government
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should spend public
money
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on fitness
people
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but others think not to.
While
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it is a commonly held belief that the
government
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must spend all the
money
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to train the fitness
people
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to win many tournaments others think that they should spend the
money
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on things more beneficial, there is
also
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an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that the
government
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should put their
money
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on something more beneficial.
To begin
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with, the
government
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should invest their
money
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in something more beneficial.
In other words
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, they should support all kinds of
people
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and give everybody a chance.
In addition
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, all
people
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have hidden talents but they do not have
the
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apply
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enough
money
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to explore them.
For example
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, there are researchers at Cambridge University said that 90% of
people
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in Saudi Arabia have a hidden talent but as soon as they get the
money
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, they will explore it well. Another point to consider, the
government
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must help all unemployed
people
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in the country. It is
also
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possible to say that they must support them with
money
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or open new kinds of jobs for them.
Moreover
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, they are suffering because they did not find any job and can not live like the average human in their country.
For instance
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, in Saudi Arabia there are 80% of
people
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do not have a job because the jobs are full of employers. In conclusion,
people
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have different answers to
this
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question. I tend to believe that it is true that the
government
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should put a lot of public
money
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into the
people
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who need it
Submitted by bcynfn159 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This adds credibility and clarity to your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly links to the previous one to improve the overall flow and coherence.
task achievement
Consider addressing potential counterarguments to demonstrate a balanced perspective. This could further enrich your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the debate and your position, providing a solid framework for your essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your stance and reinforces the main argument of your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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