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Writing Samples
Band 6

People aim to keep a balance between their work and other parts of their lives, but few people achieve it. What are the problems in trying to achieve this goal and how can these problems be overcome?

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Individuals tend to choose to keep a balance between their work and lives,
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however
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however,
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 only a few
people
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 achieve
this
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 goal. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the issue when we try to achieve
this
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 aim and give some effective solutions. With the development of today’s society, there are many underlying reasons when trying to approach these problems. In the hustle and bustle of life, it is easy to see that
people
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 always
snow
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snowed
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 under with work.
Therefore
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,
people
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 don’t have much
time
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 to hang out or do family activities to strengthen family bonds. To explain,
people
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 often spend 12 hours a day with a lot of assignments to do.
For example
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, some staff cannot make their plans which leads to their lack of achievement or
freetime
Correct your spelling
free time
.
Besides
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, teachers take
a
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apply
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half of the day to teach in the school, and they still prepare lesson plans for the next day, so it is difficult to achieve
the
Correct article usage
a
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 balance between their
career
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careers
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 and other parts of their lives.
On the other hand
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, there is a wide range of solutions to these issues. First of all, the governments should introduce policies to reduce working hours and increase wages for workers to help them reduce their financial burden and
time
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 pressure, which can help them have more
time
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 to carry out other activities with their family and friends.
In addition
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, individuals should spend a bit of
time
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 creating the
plane
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plan
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 which helps them be more disciplined, punctual and able to anticipate unexpected busyness.
Last
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 but not least,
people
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 must use their
time
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 rationally and effectively on useful things.
For instance
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, the governments in Vietnam made many policies to support
people
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 in terms of employment by increasing salaries and declining working hours in some jobs. In conclusion, trying to keep a balance between work and life is hard to do because these issues have a number of difficult aspects. By being aware of these problems and understanding some reason, they can handle and overcome problems easily.

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task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to strengthen your points and increase the clarity of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs have a clear central idea and support this with logical reasoning.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frames the discussion.
task achievement
You explored potential solutions well, demonstrating insight into societal and individual changes that could promote better work-life balance.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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