IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe that they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is said that high-quality employees
such
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 as
doctors
Use synonyms
 and
engineers
Use synonyms
 should be freedom dedicated citizens in foreign
countries
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 assume that they should be asked to be employed in the
country
Use synonyms
 in which their lessons were performed. Personally,
professionals
Use synonyms
 could take every job in any
country
Use synonyms
 where they wish to
work
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.
Initially
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, we consider the view supported by the belief that
doctors
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 and
engineers
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 should
work
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 in the
country
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 where they received their training.
Firstly
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, they can save not only the living cost but
also
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 the travelling cost.
Besides
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 that, spending time with their family will be much more.
Secondly
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, the transformation of information to their patients or colleagues will be smoother and easier. They can easily use the knowledge that they gained to contribute to their company’s sustainable growth.
Thirdly
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,
people
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 usually come back to their
country
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 after education to give their contribution to development research and the economy. On the other side,
people
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 claim that
professionals
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 should be free to
work
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 in any
country
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 if they wish for a few reasons. To continue their career path in some developed
countries
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 as they can cultivate their knowledge and enhance their skills.
Moreover
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,
doctors
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 and
engineers
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 want to give their efforts to contribute to the community of developing
countries
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 that can help poverty
people
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 overcome the difficulties in their lives. Taking risks
such
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 as living and working in the
countries
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 could make
professionals
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 stronger and smarter every day. They
also
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 can realize their boundaries in capacities and exceed their abilities to adapt quickly in any circumstance.
As a consequence
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, I propose that
professionals
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such
Linking Words
 as
doctors
Use synonyms
 and
engineers
Use synonyms
 could live and
work
Use synonyms
 in any
country
Use synonyms
 if they wish which can help develop both their personal and professional skills.

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, but could be more effectively linked, providing a stronger overall structure. Try to restate your main opinion more clearly in your conclusion.
task achievement
Your essay presents reasonable arguments, but could benefit from more specific examples or details to support your points. Providing statistics or real-world examples could strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your word choice and sentence structures to enhance readability. This will also help maintain the reader's interest throughout your essay.
task achievement
You have successfully outlined both views on the topic, which is an important requirement of the task.
task achievement
Your opinion is clearly stated at the beginning and reiterated at the end, which helps establish your perspective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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