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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some people suggest that in some countries more and more young individuals are choosing to enrol in hands-on experience
instead
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 of attending
university
Use synonyms
. I believe that despite there are many disadvantages
such
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 as low salary or low social status, the advantages can override them. Hands-on training is known as the first option in many countries
due to
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 the lack of economic resources to go to a
university
Use synonyms
. Enrolling in work-based training can be challenging because usually is associated with low salaries and low social status.
For example
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, a friend of mine, enrolled in a hands-on training because he did not know which career to choose in the
university
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.
Furthermore
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, he wanted to save some money to be able to pay for his higher education. His parents hated the idea right away and they thought that he was giving up on life. They knew that the training had a low salary and it was not very socially recognized in his country.
While
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 there are some disadvantages to
this
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, I believe that the advantages can outweigh them. One of the benefits of signing up for
this
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 kind of training before going to the
university
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 is that you earn
while
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 you are learning.
Hence
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, can help you to alleviate your financial burden. Another strong benefit is that helps you
while
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 you are training in the field enhancing your practical capabilities.
For instance
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, my sister's friend did not know if she wanted to go to the
university
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.
In addition
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, she signed up for hands-on training in the same field that she was interested in.
Therefore
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, allowed her to experiment with how she felt and improve her practical skills in the field. She saved money and
finally
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 chose a related career at the
university
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, clarifying all her doubts.
To conclude
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, even though enrolling in work-based training can have its disadvantages
such
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 as low salary and low social status, I strongly believe that the advantages like earning money
while
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 you learn and enhancing practical capabilities, outweigh them.

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task achievement
Try to develop counterarguments in more detail. Expanding on the disadvantages could provide a more balanced analysis.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between ideas. This will help in maintaining the flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples to support the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the position and outlines the main points to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer's position.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • enrol in
  • work-based training
  • university education
  • hands-on experience
  • debt
  • financially viable
  • career advancement
  • networking opportunities
  • employability
  • academic qualifications
  • personal growth
  • intellectual development
  • career flexibility
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving abilities
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