Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.
In the contemporary epoch, from some individuals' standpoint, competition is useful in several sectors of our lives,
such
as work, educational establishments, and daily life. In contrast
, other people
believe that cooperation is more helpful than competition. Both of them have positive and negative aspects, in my opinion, cooperating with other people
is the best approach in all places.
On the one hand, members of the public who are passionate about competing can progress faster than other individuals. Due to
this
spirit, they compare themselves with other people
and diagnose other people
's superiority. Hence
, by following them, they thrive on several issues. For instance
, Cristiano Ronaldo is the role model of this
issue and he always underscores the competing characteristics that lead to several successes in his life .
On the other hand
, members of society who make an effort to have
Unnecessary verb
apply
contribution
Replace the word
contribute
with
other Change preposition
to
people
have healthier minds compared to other people
. In addition
, not only does this
attitude cause success in the long-term, but they also
get away from numerous comparisons that can cause many intellectual diseases. Moreover
, people
who have this
spirit help each other so everything gets easier and whenever people
assist in other people
's tasks, they feel useful for their society. For example
, although
Michael Phelps has many accomplishments in his career, nowadays, he encounters depression that is
rooted in his competitive personality.
In conclusion, competition and cooperation have advantages and drawbacks so people
have different views about them. From my point of view, cooperating is the better method that not only leads to success but also
does not have a detrimental effect on human health.Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on
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task achievement
Try to further balance your discussion by providing more points supporting the opposite view, and possibly mention scenarios where competition might be essential. This ensures a well-rounded representation of both sides.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more varied transition words and phrases to further enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will contribute to a more seamless reading experience.
coherence cohesion
You provided an insightful introduction and a strong conclusion, effectively framing your argument and reiterating your stance.
task achievement
You used relevant and specific examples, such as Cristiano Ronaldo and Michael Phelps, to effectively illustrate your points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?