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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life if a good thing. Others believe that we should cooperate more, rather than competing each other. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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These days,
competition
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 and
cooperation
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 are
both
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 seen as essential factors in the working and academic environment. Some believe that being engaged in
competition
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 is beneficial for workers and students,
while
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 others argue that
cooperation
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 should be prioritized to foster success. In my opinion, the benefits of
cooperation
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 might outweigh those derived from
competition
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;
however
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,
this
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 essay will explore
both
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 aspects of
this
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 discussion. On the one hand,
competition
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 is seen as a powerful motivator. In the workplace, employees who compete for promotions or recognition often improve their skills and productivity.
This
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 can lead to innovation and higher efficiency, which benefits
both
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 the individual and the
companies
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company
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.
Similarly
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, in schools,
competition
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 among students can motivate them to study harder and achieve higher results. By setting up goals, individuals are likely to push their boundaries, for personal development and a strong sense of achievement.
On the other hand
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,
On the other hand
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,
cooperation
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 is crucial for achieving long-term success, particularly in group activities. In work environments where collaboration is emphasized, employees can combine their strengths to solve problems more effectively through collective decision-making.
In other words
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,
cooperation
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 reduces conflicts and improves the accuracy of decisions. In schools, through teamwork, students can exchange knowledge with longer bearing in mind and
also
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 solve major issues effectively, raising the importance of
cooperation
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 in the studying environment. In conclusion,
both
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competition
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 and
cooperation
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bring
Verb problem
have
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 a positive influence on work and study environments.
However
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, I believe that
cooperation
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 is likely to foster a sense of community and shared achievement, which is more rewarding in the long term.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your points. For instance, mentioning a particular innovation resulting from workplace competition would illustrate your ideas better.
task achievement
Some sentences can be clearer. For example, "exchange knowledge with longer bearing in mind" is a bit unclear. Consider rephrasing for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Try to explicitly link ideas. For example, you could use linking words like "however," "furthermore," or "consequently" to improve fluidity between points.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively introduced and concluded the essay, ensuring that your main points are clearly summarized.
task achievement
The essay contains a balanced discussion of both competition and cooperation, presenting a fair view of each perspective.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs for each main idea.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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