IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:" Advances in technology have made people happier than they were before."? Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

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When it comes to advances in
technology
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, I totally agree that
such
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 high-tech has made
people
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 happier than they were before. I will talk about the following reasons below. On the one hand, for housework, they improve labour-saving
technology
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machines
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 that can replace humans
such
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 as washing
machines
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, coffee makers, dishwashers, and kitchen utensils, what’s more, humans produce
machines
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 that are integrated with artificial intelligence like manufacturing cleaning robots, and glass cleaning robots. Because of
a
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the
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 high level of convenience and practicality that
machines
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 bring along/ about,
people
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 are less tired when doing homework, especially women.
Instead
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, they have much
time
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 to take care of their children and themselves. They have a lot of
time
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 to talk and share what happens in life with loved ones.
Furthermore
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, as for
work
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, when they improve
technology
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machines
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 at the same
time
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, update new software and new applications to help
work
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 more effectively and complete faster. Even some jobs have been replaced by
machines
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,
such
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 as applying production lines in factories.
Therefore
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,
people
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 need to learn and improve their professional skills at
work
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 to know how to use and operate
machines
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.
Besides
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, with the development of
technology
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, as long as a computer has an internet connection,
people
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 can
work
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 anywhere without being limited by any province, city, or country. That helps save
time
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 in moving to the office, ensuring employee health and making communication between members quick and convenient.
On the other hand
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, for education, when they improve
technology
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machines
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 in schools, every student can get access to
technology
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 from a young age with online learning software, and interactive whiteboard (IWB).
Besides
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, thanks to telecommunication flatform (SMS),
the
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apply
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effective collaboration between teachers and parents can be ensured. Plus, they are exposed to many different languages and cultures through/ with the help of digital/ modern visual teaching aids. That leads to far more opportunities for students to study abroad so that they have a better future. In conclusion, technological development helps everyone in every field be happier, and achieve greater efficiency in terms of connecting
people
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 easily.

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Improve variety in sentence structure
Consider using a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic capacity and enhance readability.
Grammar and Accuracy
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and typos to polish your writing. Although these errors are small, reducing them can significantly improve the overall quality of your essay.
Word Choice
Be mindful of word choice to ensure precise expressions of your ideas. Occasionally, wording could be refined to better convey your message.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic with a clear stance, supported by relevant examples and elaboration, which is crucial for a high task achievement score.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have organized your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This strong structure contributes to the overall coherence and cohesion of your piece.
Supporting Examples
The use of specific examples to support your points helps in clearly demonstrating how technological advances lead to increased happiness, thus effectively supporting your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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