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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below shows the number of visitors to ashdown museum duringthe year befor and year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.

The table below shows the number of visitors to ashdown museum duringthe year befor and year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.
#visitors #ashdown #museum #duringthe #year #befor #show #surveys #visit #two #periods
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the pie charts depict the
number
Use synonyms
 of visitors' satisfaction a
year
Use synonyms
 before and after
refurbishment
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
, the table gives information about the total
number
Use synonyms
 of visitors who
visits
Correct subject-verb agreement
visit
show examples
 Ashdown museum during the
year
Use synonyms
 before and after. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who visited the Ashdown museum before
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 was 74000
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
results show 40% of them were dissatisfied and 305 of them were very dissatisfied. The
number
Use synonyms
 of visitors who were very satisfied was 15% and satisfied was 10% the littlest
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 no
response
Fix the agreement mistake
responses
show examples
 with 5%. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who visited during the
year
Use synonyms
 after
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 was 92000 which is approximately more than 2000
people
Use synonyms
. The result of surveys of visitor satisfaction
this
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
 shows 40% of them were satisfied which is 30% more than the
year
Use synonyms
 before
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 and very satisfied
people
Use synonyms
 were 35% which is more than twice the before
refurbishment
Use synonyms
. Dissatisfied groups were 15% which is less than a half
year
Use synonyms
 before and very dissatisfied and no responses were the same as 5%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, year, refurbishment, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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