IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it. This, they argue, leads to a more satisfying working life. To what extent do you agree with this view? What other things can people do in order to have a satisfying working life?

#people #career #path #lives #life
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It is true that some
people
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 know from an early age what
career
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 they want to pursue, and they are happy to spend the rest of their lives in the same profession.
While
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 I accept that
this
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 may suit many
people
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, I believe that others enjoy changing careers or seeking job satisfaction in different ways. On the one hand, having a defined
career
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 path can certainly lead to a satisfying working
life
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. Many
people
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 decide as young children what they want to do as adults, and it gives them a great sense of satisfaction to work towards their goals and gradually achieve them.
For example
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, many children dream of becoming doctors, but to realise
this
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 ambition they need to gain the relevant qualifications and undertake years of training. In my experience, very few
people
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 who have qualified as doctors choose to change
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career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 because they find their work so rewarding, and because they have invested so much time and effort to reach their goal.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 find happiness in their working lives in different ways.
Firstly
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, not everyone dreams of doing a particular job, and it can be equally rewarding to try a variety of professions; starting out on a completely new
career
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 path can be a reinvigorating experience.
Secondly
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, some
people
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 see their jobs as simply a means of earning money, and they are happy if their salary is high enough to allow them to enjoy
life
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 outside work.
Finally
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, job satisfaction is often the result of working conditions, rather than the
career
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 itself.
For example
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, a positive working atmosphere, enthusiastic colleagues, and an inspirational boss can make working
life
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 much more satisfying, regardless of the profession. In conclusion, it can certainly be satisfying to pursue a particular
career
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 for the whole of one’s
life
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, but
this
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 is by no means the only route to fulfilment.
Submitted by Mido  on

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task achievement
Provide a few more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. While the example of doctors is helpful, adding one or two more examples in the second and third paragraphs could enhance your task response score.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the points in each paragraph are closely linked to maintain cohesion. Though your essay is generally cohesive, some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow your main arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is strong, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct idea and developing it effectively.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported and your stance is clear throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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